Basher v's Dasher Chronicles

 BASHER v’s DASHER

Below the world of marathons as seen by Jack (Dasher) Brooks.

Roger Biggs
Chairman
100 Marathon Club
23rd October 2008

Last Update: 10Jun10
1) 10Jun10 - Hare or Tortoise?
2) 28May10 - Strangely Strange, but Sadly Normal
3) 04May10 - Do Grown Men Cry?

Hare or Tortoise?
It has been another fortnight of ups and downs with Basher snatching victory by over 3 minutes at the Stevenage mid-week 10k on 26th May 2010 and Dasher coming out ahead at the marathon distance. 

Dasher was positively wilting in the heat at the finish of the White Peak Marathon on 23rd May 2010 completing the course in 4:31:00. Little did he know as he pulled into the final stretch that Basher (4:32:03) had been hot on his heels, hurdling the railway sleepers on the sharp downhill descent and powering along the side of the canal like a steam train. 

Fearful of another close call at Chester Marathon on 31st May 2010 Dasher knew that drastic measures were called for and made some urgent phone calls. Fortunately he was able to secure pre-race accommodation at Chateau Wade in Holmfirth, where he was fortified by one of Sandra Wade's legendary pizzas. As a result Dasher was able to set off with renewed vigour and restored confidence at Chester and seized victory in a time of 3:39:23. Not being one to brag about his successes he then waited dutifully by the finish line until Basher arrived (3:53:39) to ensure that Basher was fully aware of the margin of his victory. Dasher will be dining out on this one for the next few days.

“Strangely Strange, but Sadly Normal
Dasher occasionally likes to remind people about the titles of some of his favourite record albums from the 1970s. He’d also bore you with “Hapshash and the Coloured Coat Featuring the Human Host and the Heavy Metal Kids”, which was the first coloured record he discovered, were it not for the fact that right now he can bore you with tales of darring do from back-to-back marathons in Washington State, USA. 

To fully savour this saga one must step back to a chilly Tuesday night on 11^th May 2010, when Basher comprehensively humiliated Dasher, beating him by over a minute in the local inter-club road race league 10k in Welwyn Garden City. Not only was Dasher beaten to a pulp in front of his own club members, but Basher also rubbed salt into the wound by advising that he was off for a “go faster” haircut ready for their impending weekend showdown in the USA. Basher has always been one for holding out a red rag to a bull. 

2 days later, and some 26 hours after setting off from Hertfordshire, Basher and Dasher arrived at their hotel in Spokane, USA, to discover that it resembled a cross between a railway siding and a tattoo parlour. After a day and night acclimatising to the 75 degree temperature and the never ending succession of goods trains passing within a few feet of their hotel room window the two lined up on the start line for the Windermere Marathon at 7am on 15^th May 2010 in time to follow the lead cyclist as he cut the course distance short by 0.8 miles right at the start of the race. This left Dasher with 2 concerns for most of the race:

1. How far behind him was Basher and
2. At what stage were the organisers going to make up the lost distance (if at all)?

Both dilemmas were eventually resolved in the last mile, when he was turned around at the finish line to back-track 0.8 miles towards the oncoming runners, one of whom was Basher. He finished in 4 hours and 5 minutes, while Basher trailed in a satisfying distance behind in 4 hours and 20 minutes. They just had time to shower before returning to Spokane airport for their flight to Seattle.  

From Seattle they drove to Olympia ready for the Capital City Marathon on 16^th May 2010. Always one to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat Basher managed to secure an award for second in his age group, whereas Dasher came away from Spokane empty-handed, but smug. 

Dasher set off like a bat out of hell on the Sunday morning reasoning that he needed to build up a sufficient lead to safeguard against Basher’s usual strong finish on consecutive days’ racing. He quickly discovered that the route contained substantially more hills than the 4 that he had been forewarned about. "Allez vite" he kept muttering to himself as he ascended hill number twenty "et le Bash sera histoire!". With this in mind he managed to maintain his momentum for the full distance and crossed the line in 3 hours and 58 minutes, while Basher finished in 4 hours and 30 minutes. Revenge is sweet! 

The two then had 2 days of rest and recuperation in Seattle with their friends, Bob and Lenore Dolphin, before braving the Icelandic volcanic ash for their return flight to the UK. Perhaps it is ironic that it was Dasher's suitcase that failed to arrive at Heathrow on the return flight.

Do Grown Men Cry?
Strong wind and drizzle predominated for the North Dorset Village Marathon on 2nd May 2010. Naturally Dasher was concerned that Basher might catch a chill and was somewhat surprised when Basher ignored his recommendation that he'd need dungarees and a woolly jumper given how long he was likely to be out on the course. 

Dasher has now planned a well earned rest with just the Sheffield half marathon to run next weekend. He wishes all of those running the London Marathon the best of luck and hopes to bounce back both faster and fitter for the North Dorset Village Marathon on 2nd May 2010.

The Worm has Turned
It may be that Basher had 3 weetabix for his breakfast and had been putting in some extra training or that Dasher had consumed one bottle of red wine too many (he has taken to heart Ricky Gervais' recent observation that "the only reason to live longer is to eat more cheese and drink more wine"), but the pendulum had definitely swung in Basher's direction for the 105.5 lap Crawley AIM track marathon on 10th April 2010.  

Dasher managed to avoid being lapped for around 17 miles, but from then on his legs started turning to jelly, while Basher seemed to be getting progressively stronger. Furthermore Dasher discovered how difficult it is to trip someone up when they are overtaking and don't make their presence known until the last second. Maybe his poor performance in the tripping department was just a symptom of fatigue.  

The end result was that Basher finished in 3 hours 53 minutes compared to Dasher's 4 hours 15 minutes. Dasher is now busily scratching his head and wondering how he can turn the tables at Brighton Marathon on 18th April 2010. However, rest assured that things have not yet got so bad that he's emptied his wine cellar.

Japan, Spain and The Disreputable Dog
The outgoing journey from London Gatwick to the Valencia Marathon, 21^st February 2010 was fairly uneventful. While Dasher occupied himself reviewing the exploits of the Disreputable Dog, Hideo Takano explained some Japanese technicalities to Basher to prepare him for his forthcoming Tokyo trip. He particularly drilled into Basher that because the Japanese are too polite to ever say no, when they state that something will be very difficult that is actually their way of saying no. 

Needless to say, on race day, when Basher asked what the chances were of him beating Dasher he was advised fairly peremptorily that it would be very difficult. Funny that! 

Seizing the psychological advantage did not stop Dasher from cricking his neck as he regularly checked behind him to ascertain if Basher was closing down on him. However, on this occasion, enough pain killers to fell an elephant were insufficient to cure Basher's back pain and the final order of play was Dasher (3:37), Hideo (3:48), Basher (4:04) and Rich "The Colonel" Holmes (4:48).

Dasher is intrigued to hear what Basher makes of Japan and, indeed, what the Japanese make of Basher. 

My Kingdom For A Toilet
Dasher had a miserable November and December suffering with a virus for over 5 weeks and then trying to recover some fitness sliding along snow-covered pot-holed roads. Meanwhile Basher had continued to run unscathed. Of course, he has several advantages over Dasher since he can see clearly with his contact lenses whereas Dasher's glasses are forever steamed up in the winter. Being much closer to the ground also helps him to avoid potholes while Dasher constantly runs the risk of irreparable damage because half the time he can't see them until it is too late. 

After his long lay-off Dasher reasoned that in order to get a fair crack at Basher he needed to get away from winter and Britain's third world roads and head for the Marrakech Marathon on Sunday, 31^st January 2010. Thankfully Marrakech delivered both sunshine and wide, well surfaced roads, but the one thing that the marathon organisers forgot to provide was toilets. Indeed, this was the first race that Dasher had ever run where there was not a single toilet at the start, finish or anywhere around the course. Consequently, as some 4,000 runners lined up at the race start Basher was scoffing an energy bar and Dasher was force feeding himself immodium's.

Having advised Basher not to set off too fast, Dasher seized his opportunity to make an early break and inadvertently, for the next thirty kilometres, towed along a French runner called David who was desperate to finish in under 4 hours. Dasher surprised himself by finishing in 3 hours 51 minutes and for once was able to watch Basher finishing behind him in just over 4 hours. Battle has now resumed.

Eight Legs Good?
The Dasher household has been racked by constitutional negotiations over the last week since Dasher found one of his Tenants hitching a ride inside his sports bag. Hitherto, Dasher's house has been run on strict democratic principles of "one being one vote", but recently the arachnid population has been chancing its arms (or should I say legs?) by pressing an "eight legs good, two legs bad" agenda. After a two day reconciliation period an arbitrator was brought in. Dasher has conceded cross carpet rights in return for an undertaking that his race kit will not be violated. 

After all this excitement at home Dasher was free to prepare himself for Abingdon Marathon on Sunday, 18th October 2009. His plan was to set off like lightning and keep going for as long as possible. Actually, this is his usual plan, but he usually runs out of steam after the first hundred yards or so. However, for once his scheme worked and he finished in 3 hours 35 minutes, some way ahead of Basher. Basher advised at the finish that he'd been "caught short" four times during the race thus prompting Dasher to point out that he'd actually been caught short for over 60 years. Nevertheless, even Dasher had to admit that Basher was limping at the finish and could have benefited from borrowing Carol Ann's walking stick. 

Many 100 Club members were waiting for Carol Ann Plater (although some have now taken to calling her "Granny" Plater after seeing her latest race outfit) when she made her triumphant appearance on the track to complete her 100th marathon. The post race celebrations were enjoyed by all. 

Showdown at Eden
Showdown at the Eden Project Marathon: 11th October 2009

 The die was cast, the bets were laid,
The route was marked, the bookies paid,
The hills were steep, the weather foul,
The mist closed in like a dark cowl 

And at the start line there was Dasher
Waiting there to challenge Basher.
Basher shrugged and set off fast
Confident he'd not be passed 

But as the 2 mile sign came near 
He heard a whisper in his ear
"I'm going on. No time to talk.
You're looking tired, I'd have a walk." 

This was a red rag to a bull
And Basher's memory was full
Of times he'd overtaken Dasher
On a hill (Oh, well done, Basher!)

A cat and mouse game then ensued 
And Dasher was indeed pursued.
With furrowed brow and gritted teeth
He bounded over hill and heath 

And in the end he kept the lead
Confounding Basher with his speed.
The finish banner was in sight
He'd planned it well. He'd done it right. 

The acid test is if he'll run 
As fast next week at Abingdon.
He knows that if he really can
He'll celebrate with Carol Ann.

What, no potatoes?
When Dasher discovered that Basher had taken to sharing his bed with a suitcase at first he suspected that this might be a sign of insecurity. Indeed, one morning on the way back from the bathroom he checked to see if Basher had also taken to sucking his thumb. He hadn’t, so Dasher now surmises that Basher simply can’t bear to be more than a few feet away from his Race-Ready shorts. In fact, Dasher himself has now come to believe that those shorts may have magical properties, as it didn’t take long for Basher to take the lead back from him at the Boulder Trail Marathon on 20^th September 2009. He finished in 4:21, some 13 minutes ahead of Dasher, although both took 3^rd prize in their age groups. Maddog Wallace (recovering from injury) also snuck past Dasher and beat him by 5 minutes. 

Dasher is not a fan of running at altitude and found that going from sea level to running the following day between 5,200 and 5,600 feet above sea level is a bit like running with a sack of potatoes on one’s back. Indeed, Dasher treats potatoes with great suspicion ever since he was handed a sack of them at race registration in Pocatello, Idaho in 2007. 

From Boulder the 2 headed for Yosemite National Park. After a morning hike they experienced a fairly close encounter with a black bear, who it appears, was heading for the same apple tree as Basher. 

If your rental car ever breaks down pray that it doesn’t do so in Lee Vining, California. It is a one payphone town and as that payphone appears never to be emptied it is impossible to put money in and make outgoing phone calls. A motel eventually charged $15 so Basher could ring the Colonel (Rich) and Jeanne Holmes at Lake Tahoe and request them to pick up race numbers for him and Dasher. Dealing with National Rentals was also an interesting experience. They chose to send a replacement car from Fresno rather than Reno. The driver tried to come through the Yosemite National Park, but was turned back and then had to find an alternative route. An initial promised delivery time of 6pm stretched out hour by hour as the duo tried to kill time in Lee Vining. 

There is only so much food that one can eat and coffee that one can drink and even those options ran out at 9pm as the last eating place in town closed its doors. It is not much fun playing “spot the lorry” when only one passes every 30 minutes or so. At last the replacement car arrived at 2.45am. Basher took the wheel and the 2 arrived at the Horizon Casino Hotel in Nevada at 4.45am. The bus to the start of the first marathon of the Lake Tahoe Triple on September 25^th 2009 was due to depart at 6.15am so the 2 just had time to book in and change into their race gear. 

With the benefit of no sleep and a starting altitude of 6,850 feet Dasher took off like a greyhound on day 1 around the first 26.2 miles of Lake Tahoe and it took Basher 20 miles to catch him. However, for the next 6 miles that imaginary sack of potatoes reappeared on his back and he flagged badly. So day 1 had Basher finishing in 4:12:36, Dasher in 4:22:31 and the Colonel in 4:47:02. 

After more than 12 hours sleep a refreshed Dasher also took the lead on day 2, but this time it only took Basher 11 miles to catch him and the Colonel was also closing the gap (Basher 4:02:31, Dasher 4:24:57 and the Colonel 4:37:48). 

Spurred on by the fact that the Colonel was at his heels Dasher again took the lead in the main marathon on Day 3 and this time held it until mile 15 (the bottom of a hill, which climbed from 6,300 feet to 6,800 feet over 2 miles). This time the Colonel faded in the heat as the temperature climbed into the eighties (Basher 4:14:28 and 2^nd over 60, Dasher 4:27:24 and the Colonel 5:00:11). 

What lessons were learnt from the Lake Tahoe Triple Marathon?
1) No matter how fast Basher, Dasher and the Colonel run, they’ll never beat Ian Sharman of the 100 club, who came 2^nd overall in the triple marathon event as well as 2^nd overall in the main marathon on day 3.

Without a support crew one shouldn’t even attempt days 1 and 2. Jeanne Holmes provided fantastic support with a copious supply of ice-cold Gatorade at regular intervals. All the organisers provided was a bus to the start and 2 water stations. 

2) On days 1 and 2 you are taking your life into your own hands as, for much of the time, you are running on the hard shoulder of a narrow road with a sheer drop to one side and traffic heading towards you. To make life more interesting on day 2 runners found a fully-fledged bicycle race, heading straight towards them. 

3) Get the first bus on day 3. Most runners were deposited at the start line around 15 minutes before the race began and the queue for the 10 toilets was horrendous (and in many cases runners’ needs went unrequited). 

4) If you intend to run the triple don’t pick a year when the temperature reaches a record high on all 3 days 

5) There are easier events on the race calendar.
Jack

Mud Sticks!
Over the years Dasher has discovered that it is possible to defeat Basher on trail marathons by using the terrain. Thus, at the start of the Dovedale Dipper on 2nd August 2009 he felt fairly safe in the knowledge that whenever he was knee deep in mud this would mean that Basher would be waist deep in it. Indeed, as conditions got progressively worse he charitably hoped that Basher had remembered to take his snorkel with him. 

With his usual dastardly cunning Basher had deployed Carol Ann and Patsy in a particularly glutinous part of the course at about the half way point and briefed them to request a piggy-back from Dasher. Being the gentleman he is Dasher chivalrously declined and promptly toppled over into the quagmire. However, he recovered gracefully and safely navigated his way past all the remaining obstacles on the course and had washed, changed and eaten  by the time that Basher put in an appearance at the finish line.

It remains to be seen whether Basher will get his revenge at the Scaphoid Fracture Marathon on 15th August 2009.
Jack

Height hurts!
Basher enjoys running at altitude as it gives him a 1 foot 6 inch advantage over Dasher. Using his height grading chart for the Deadwood Mickelson Trail Marathon on 7th June 2009 Dasher reckons that the overall time effect between running at 6,206 feet and 6,204 feet 6 inches equates to around 14 minutes. Curiously, that is just about the margin by which Basher beat him (4:11:19 to 3:57:01). This proves conclusively that being of normal height can sometimes be a disadvantage. Of course, Basher will still argue that using the old age graded tables he was a comprehensive winner, but Dasher would never consider stooping so low as to use this sort of statistical evidence to claim a victory for himself. 

Rich Holmes from North Carolina joined the duo for the race. The omens were not good as the morning started with torrential rain. Fortunately this reduced to a manageable drizzle for the race before returning with renewed vigour about 2 hours after the finish. The forecast snow never made it to Deadwood, but it was coming down steadily in the afternoon on the drive to Devil's Tower in Wyoming. The race finished in Deadwood, a gold rush town where both Wild Bill Hickock and Calamity Jane both met their maker. 

Dasher has always maintained that Basher is a bit of a cowboy so what better place to end?
Jack Brooks

Hitting the fence! Myrtle Beach Marathon: 14^th February 2009  
It wasn’t so much a case of hitting the wall as one of nearly hitting the fence as Dasher’s car encountered a thick patch of black ice on the approach to the airport car park. However, following this inauspicious start all flights went smoothly and he and Basher even managed to bluff their way into the Red Carpet Lounge in Dulles airport to while away their 4 hour wait for their connecting flight to Raleigh/Durham airport, North Carolina. On arrival, Jeanne Holmes was waiting at the airport to collect the duo. By a strange twist of fate, Rich “the Colonel” Holmes was also travelling from Washington on the same day, but he was driving and stuck in rush hour traffic.

 Jeanne and the Colonel have 3 golden retrievers. It didn’t take them long to comprehend that in Dasher they’d found a total mug who’d make a constant fuss of them. Meanwhile Dasher was in seventh heaven having found animals to pet. The result was smiles all round. 

On the Friday the Colonel, Dasher and Basher set off for Myrtle Beach, South Carolina and race registration. Most of the drive to South Carolina was spent looking out for corny billboards advertising “South of the Border”, which turned out to be a kitsch tourist trap selling everything the discerning traveller would not wish to buy (thus making it thoroughly deserving of a visit). 

Following 2.5 days of warm weather it was slightly cooler on race day and perfect for running. The 4 hour pace group leader was from Bedford, England and as Dasher chatted to him for the first few miles Basher shamelessly took advantage and sped off into the distance. By the time Dasher had applied his mind to achieving an eight minute negative split the wraith like Basher (who, in order to maintain his weight, had resisted repeated offers of ice cream for the previous 4 days) was beyond catching and finished in 3.42.09. Dasher crossed the line in 3.44.48 followed by the Colonel in 4.19.11. Meanwhile, Zola Budd had won the half marathon, showered, taken an afternoon siesta and driven home! 

On their return to Durham the Colonel treated the duo to a women’s university basketball game between North Carolina and Georgia Tech. Whilst Basher concerned himself with serious matters such as the rules and the scores, Dasher allowed himself to be side-tracked by some rather attractive cheerleaders in impossibly short skirts. His heart rate only returned to normal some half hour after the game.

Alas, all good things must come to an end and so on the Monday the pair found themselves once again ensconced in an airport lounge ready for the return trip across the pond.
Jack Brooks

It's all in the stars
(December 7^th 2008)
Dasher may be returning to gainful employment sooner than anticipated now he has discovered the gift of clairvoyancy. Travelling out for the weekend to run the California Marathon in Sacramento looked marginally less silly, when he and Dasher discovered that Luton Marathon (which they had been due to run) had been cancelled. 

The duo flew to San Francisco on the Friday and drove to Sacramento via the Golden Gate Bridge. Dasher navigated to ensure that Basher gave Alcatraz, San Quentin and Folsom prisons a wide berth. Saturday race registration gave Basher plenty of opportunity to tell bemused race entrants how many marathons he'd run on the bounce. Dasher followed in his wake handing out pre-printed explanatory leaflets and radiating mellowness and calm. 

Sunday morning arrived far too soon and at 5am it was time to join the queue for school buses to get to the race start in Folsom. It is a little known fact that American school buses were designed to give those of Basher's stature an unfair advantage over those of normal height. Basher whistled nonchalantly as Dasher endeavoured to move his legs from where they were wedged in behind a seat. Some people will do anything to gain an edge. 

Once at the start area it quickly became apparent that the warmest place was a bus and as Dasher was once again shunted into the window seat Basher impressed some girls with a few pre-race vaseline tricks (unless, of course, it was his psychedelic race shorts that they were giggling at). 

All too soon it was time to line up and face the music. Dasher set off with the 3:40 pace group all the time looking over his shoulder to check that Basher was not sneaking past on his blind side. Dasher had in fact advised Basher that he was going to start with the 4:00 pace group, so of course Basher spent much of the race battling with them, while Dasher sped off to finish in 3:38:02, leaving Basher to finish in 3:53:43. With Basher recovering fast it can only be a matter of weeks before true battle will be resumed.
Jack Brooks

 The heat is on!
(November 1^st & November 2^nd 2008)
As pre-election fever gripped the USA Basher and Dasher fled the atrocious UK weather for the weekend and sneaked into Memphis. From there they drove to Wynne, Arkansas so that Dasher could run the Mid South Marathon. Working on the basis that if one picks a small enough race with a large enough prize list Dasher successfully collected an award for fifth in his age group. 

The duo then drove 275 miles to Springfield, Missouri to register for the Bass Pro Marathon. Little did they know that they had been selected to give warm-up speeches at the pasta party before the main celebrities (Frank Shorter, Bill Rodgers, Dick Beardsley and Jeff Galloway), were called to the stage. Who could have foretold that so many stars would be turning up to witness Basher's comeback from injury at Springfield in favour of attending New York Marathon and Paula Radcliffe's comeback. 

As Basher trotted out his “Do I look like a runner?” speech, Dasher looked around expectantly in the hope that someone might know the answer. Dasher followed on by recounting his experience in Genk a few years ago when a Belgian runner advised him that if he could learn to run as fast as he could talk he might turn out to be a half decent runner. Nevertheless, it soon became obvious that Basher had made the deepest impression on the audience as a star-struck 6 year old approached him and requested his autograph. 

When Basher decided to run the following day he gave Dasher the shock of his life at the 22 mile turnaround point as it appeared that the gap between them was closing. “Now that’s what a runner looks like”, mused Dasher as he frantically upped his pace. Hopefully Basher now has that mischievous Achilles injury whipped and we can expect great things from him in the coming months!

For an event with a 1,000 race limit Bass Pro produced a superb event and certainly earned the Dasher/Basher seal of approval.
Jack Brooks

Phoenixes and Ashes
(October 18^th & 19^th, 2008)
Dasher has now attempted more comebacks than he has had hot dinners. However, on their latest US foray it was Basher who was suffering with an injury. Selflessly, Dasher reasoned that the next best thing to running was responsibility, so he immediately appointed Basher to the jobs of chauffeur and head bagman. Basher suffered this indignity with such good humour that Dasher had to playfully resort to programming the wrong addresses into the Satnav in order to provoke a reaction. 

In spite of all this Basher was loyally waiting at the finish of the Indianapolis Marathon as Dasher finished in 3.46.28 ready to commence the 250 mile dash to Grand Rapids, Michigan and beat the 7pm registration deadline. Dasher had merely pulled on trousers and a shirt and then dived into the car. As the journey progressed he became increasingly aware of the thin covering of gatorade adhering to both his skin and his clothing. By the time their destination was reached he felt as though he had been coated in plaster of paris and almost required a hoist to manoeuvre him out of the car. This, of course, was Dasher's excuse for picking up someone else's number at race registration. 

At 5.45am the next morning he rather shamefacedly presented himself to the race organisers offering profuse apologies and begging them to let him have his own number. What nice people they were. They not only let Dasher run, but after he completed the race in 3.53.08 they let both him and Basher into the free beer area. 

After dropping their friends, the Dolphins, off at the local airport the next day it was time for the duo to indulge in some retail therapy before heading for Chicago airport and home. 

Maybe this time Dasher is back for good. He only hopes that Basher gets over his Achilles problem soon so that true battle can be rejoined. Jack Brooks

 BASHER VERSUS DASHER: THE UNEXPURGATED CHRONICLES
I have travelled to many races with Roger "Basher" Biggs. Until 2006 I could generally depend upon beating him, but suddenly he lost weight and gained speed. A series of e-mails to running friends ensued recording the increasing competitiveness between the two of us. The following items comprise the Basher/Dasher Chronicles. Read and despair!
Jack Brooks

Dasher toughs it out in bandit country
Dasher drove deep into hillbilly country for the Hatfield and McCoy Marathon in West Virginia on 14th June 2008, where he had been adopted as an honorary McCoy. "Thar's snakes in them thar hills" advised a fellow McCoy from a vantage point on the Kentucky side of the Tug river. Whether he meant reptiles, bounty hunters or sheriffs never became clear as there are plenty of bodies scattered around the mountains following a lengthy blood feud between the two families, which started over an argument about some pigs. "Avoid hogs if you see them" was another useful bit of advice from one of the more friendly Hatfields, making it obvious that so far as he was concerned, pigs were almost family.

It quickly became apparent to Dasher that West Virginia is hot, humid and hilly. The first hill commenced at around 3 miles and gradually got steeper until it peaked at 7.5 miles. The following sharp descent played havoc with Dasher's knees and quads. Thus debilitated he steeled himself for what was to come and followed the big blue hillbilly footprints painted onto the road. He staggered across the finish line in 4.13.32, but wasn't able to linger long enough after the race to find out whether he and his fellow McCoy's had come out on top in this year's race.

Dasher's flight back to England was made a little bit more eventful than usual when President Bush decided he'd like to visit Heathrow airport, thus delaying everybody else's flights for up to 4 hours. 

"Sister" Warren proves that running is habit forming at Fargo Marathon 2008
Warren and Dasher arrived in Fargo the Thursday before the race. Dasher promptly proceeded to damage his knee on the hotel treadmill. However, it always pays to go on holiday with a nun and once Warren had donned his habit on the Saturday morning for his 200th marathon it was time for Dasher to demand divine intervention. 50 Hail Marys and several strong pain killers saw Dasher lining up beside an inconspicuous looking "Sister" Warren speculating on how many nuns can actually boast a Chelsea tattoo. The 2 kept together for much of the first half of the marathon with Dasher hampered by his knee and Warren tripping over his habit, but Dasher just edged ahead in the second half as it became considerably hotter and finished in 4:00:34 with Warren just behind in 4:04:36

"Ley"ed out in Stonehenge: 4th May 2008
While Basher was off touring Northern Ireland, Dasher, Manic, Fast Fu, Danny Kay, Dave Lewis and a few other club members preferred to make contact with the ancestors whilst running between Avebury and Stonehenge. The Neolithic Marathon starts very close to the stone circle in Avebury and finishes right next to the Stonehenge Monument. The undulating off-road route runs through the beautiful Vale of Pewsey and then across Salisbury Plain. Dasher did speculate at one stage at the sound of gunfire quite how the ancients had got hold of guns, but it was later explained to him that part of the course is alongside an army target range. Apparently, as a quid pro quo for allowing the race to run through army owned land a few snipers are permitted to pick off the front runners. It was somewhat hurtfully pointed out to Dasher that this meant that he was in no danger.

April 13^th 2008 – A London tale
Dasher's Diary: 13th April 2008
My early night plans were stymied by my next door neighbours who erected a marquee in their back garden and prepared to party. The disco finished about 1.15am and I diplomatically decided against a Karate Kid approach.

4am and the hotline from Dave rang. "Dasher, we've got a problem with a gas leak. This is something that only you or Colin Poole could sort out and I can't get hold of Colin."

"Well Dave, I've got a busy day ahead of me, but I'll hop on my mountain bike and be with you in about an hour and a half." Poor lad, the stress of the big day was evidently getting to him and what he needed was reassurance. A few nips and tucks to the course and the problem was sorted so a leisurely cycle to Greenwich was in order. I had a devil of a job getting the bike on the baggage bus though. Apparently some character called Biggs had told them that only bags could be transported. Eventually they relented and I just had enough time to pop down to the elite men's enclosure to pass on a few tips. There was one American youngster (I think his name was Hall) who was paying particular attention. "Just hang on in there at the front I told him. Normally I'd expect to be up there with you, but I've had a bit of a busy day." That seemed to buck his spirits up so I hope he had a rewarding race.

Well, it turned out that all that cycling had taken a bit more out of me than I'd expected so I finished in 4.11.20. Still, I reflected, as I cycled back to St Albans. Dave should let me in for free next time I apply.

I wish!
Dasher

April 2008 - The Jackerwocky (or wishful thinking)
(Yakima River Canyon Marathon)
Twas brillig and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble through the day
But Dasher took a softer option
Heading for the USA 

No matter that an on-form Basher
Was sweeping all awards before him
Fate decreed that limping Dasher
Had a chance to chloroform him 

But Yakima is in a desert
And the course is hard and hot
Basher knew that he must avert
Any challenge on the spot 

As Dasher weakened, feeling jaded
Basher bounded far away
Perhaps Dasher overplayed it
Or is revenge just a race away? 

What we need is Manic Mundy,
Warren D and Gary Wade.
What we know is some day, one day
Basher's star is sure to fade 

The vorpal blade goes snicker snack
So Basher'd better heed this warning
Dasher plans a great comeback
His training regime starts this morning! 

Dasher's day is round the corner
Basher needs to watch his back
Someday soon the worm will turn
And leave him stretched out on the rack

December 2006 – Dasher thaws out
Dasher is at last thawing out after his stint of marshalling come timekeeping at the 100Club Handicap Marathon on 17th December 2006. At about the time that frostbite set in he was wondering whether he should order new fingers for Christmas as well as a new knee. Leo was suffering with foot pain and at one time they were considering placing a bulk order for replacement body parts. However, now that he has recovered some feeling Dasher thought he should advise people of this fact as he doesn't want a pile of thick woolly jumpers arriving on his doorstep. Running and knitting don't mix.

November 2006 - Dasher is licking his wounds
Dasher is feeling somewhat tenderised this week having received multiple poundings from Basher at 3 distances. Indeed, if it hadn't been for the caring hands of his Sports Therapist, the lovely Lory, he would be feeling very sorry for himself. First came a drubbing at the Stevenage Half Marathon on 5th November where Dasher added to his knee problems by tearing a muscle and hobbled in over ten minutes behind the diminutive one. This was followed by a thrashing at the inaugural Outer Banks Marathon in North Carolina on 12th November where Basher was already flying by the time he passed the monument to the Wright Brothers (Kitty Hawk). Finally Dasher was soundly thrashed in the Stevenage 5k on 15th November when Basher beat him by over 2 minutes. 

The duo's hosts in North Carolina were Rich and Jeanne Holmes. Dasher is grateful to them for putting up with so many English eccentricities with such good humour and for introducing Basher to multiple ice cream opportunities. Unfortunately, ice cream no longer seems to have the deleterious effect on Basher that it did in the past. 

Whilst Basher is getting lighter his baggage certainly isn't. It appears that customs in Chicago were so curious about the contents of his case that they decided to keep it in the USA whilst Dasher's small holdall made its flight connection with no trouble at all. 

Dasher is now licking his wounds and will see if he can survive the Tough Challenge trail marathon in Wendover Woods on 19th November without further damaging his right leg.

October 2006 – Trouble at the Double Double
Warren D and Dasher made it to the USA intact and, in spite of Dasher's questionable navigational skills they found their first 2 race locations and cruised round both Baltimore Marathon on 14th October and Columbus Marathon on 15th October in under 4 hours. After 4 days of sightseeing in Canada and Boston they arrived at Boston Airport to collect Basher.

Dasher had slipped United Airlines a tenner to ensure that Basher would have a turbulent outward flight. However, he hadn't anticipated that the over-zealous pilot would also delay Basher's flight for almost 3 hours. Basher joined in the spirit of things by losing his wallet en route and eventually arrived frustrated and pleading poverty. Had this been enough to tip the scales in Dasher's favour for the next 2 races?

Early on the morning of 21st October at Breakers Marathon (Rhode Island), Dasher found himself running in front of 3 girls, which was nice. He subsequently realised that they were not there simply to admire his lean physique, but were using him as a wind break as the course followed a particularly exposed area of shoreline. Behind the girls lurked Basher and as soon as more sheltered terrain was reached he took off like a scorched whippet. Dasher barely managed to keep within 5 minutes of him and his only hope for the following day was that lack of sleep would catch up with Basher by the time the trio arrived in Kentucky.

At the start of the Louisville Marathon on 22nd October it was cold and Basher pleaded with Dasher to lend him one of his spare long-sleeved running shirts. Fortunately Dasher had one pre-prepared and trusted that it would take Basher a while to notice the coins, which he'd carefully sewn into the lining to add extra weight. For the first 5 miles or so Dasher held off the threat, but then the little fellow sneaked past him and ended up second in his age group for the second day running. Warren D had forged ahead early finishing first of the 3 in 3.30.

Meanwhile in the UK Fast Fu'd managed a spectacular 3.15 at Abingdon Marathon and rumours are now circulating that Burger King are contemplating offering him sponsorship.

8^th October 2006: A Major achievment!
At arrival in Munich prayers were said for Manic's rucksack as the airline consigned it to that great Departure Lounge in the sky. However, most of the contents were salvaged and it left ample opportunity for a sweepstake to be held on how many many items would make it back to Blighty on the return flight.

Sunday arrived and Fast Fu'd disappeared into the distance with the front runners as Linda Major and entourage forged their way across the start Line of Munich Marathon on 8th October 2006. Gentleman John Dawson (the metronome) set a steady pace for Linda's 100th marathon as Basher, Dasher, Slasher, Manic, The Kid, Blueboy Steve, Norry Longworth, Warren D, Uncle Tom Cobley and all enjoyed demonstrating to a receptive audience that UK runners know how to have a good time on tour. Was it Linda's Spice Girls dress, Basher's hat and pigtails or Warren D's Rastafarian wig that excited spectators most? We'll never know, but the applause rose to fever pitch as the 17 UK runners entered the Olympic Stadium and Conga'd across the finish line.

It brought a tear to Dasher's eye especially when he realised that his place in the Conga line had been in front of Basher's. All in all Dasher concluded that it had been a memorable day and Linda remains his favourite Spice Girl.

30^th September 2006: Life returns to Planet Zog
The group descended on a hotel in Ostend for "Gentleman" John Dawson's 200th marathon on 30th September 2006. The De Kust Marathon runs along the Belgian coast from De Panne to Ostende. As usual Basher set off like a firecracker and Dasher like a damp squib, but gradually the sun infused some strength into Dasher's legs and at a switch-back he caught sight of Basher and finished only 7 minutes behind him. Basher is now talking about the need to strengthen his neck muscles so he can see who is catching him up. However, Dasher has offered to purchase him a mirror instead, pointing out that there are some particularly attractive lead framed designs now on the market, which would serve Basher's requirements admirably.

24^th September 2006: A Revelation for Dasher
Dasher has often heard Basher waxing lyrical about negative splits. He has nodded his head meaningfully (a good tactic to adopt with Basher) assuming that negative splits were distant relatives of Basher's favourite dessert, the banana split. However, Dasher's world has now been turned upside down as it appears that at Berlin Marathon on 24th September 2006 he actually ran a negative split. Hitherto Dasher has always remained ignorant of his times during races and has strictly adhered to the "don't press any buttons until you've finished" rule. In fact he has chuckled quietly to himself as Basher has loaded himself down on race days with GPS’s and other assorted paraphernalia. Dasher considers that it is a prerequisite for any race to load Basher down with as much as he can carry. Indeed, he had speculated about buying Basher a grandfather clock to take round with him until it dawned on him that there would be problems getting it through airports. Dasher's own paranoia stems from his habit of stopping his watch half way through events when he first started racing and he has remained a technophobe to this day. He is now panicking at the thought that someone may try to instruct him on how to take splits. For Dasher, ignorance definitely was bliss.

So, as Basher tore up the tarmac at the front of the marathon Dasher was breaking new ground at the back of the field (even though he didn't realise this at the time).

16^th & 17^th September 2006: Badger Recumbent at Double Dutch
Old war wounds are easily called to mind when there's a decent pub nearby and when the race goes through the middle of that establishment 24 times (as at Oranje Bloeman Kroeg Marathon on 16/9/06) Badger could be depended upon to rise to the challenge. Pint by pint he elicited support from the whole hostelry as he clung to his bar stool and his 15 comrades flitted through the building. On this occasion Basher flitted fastest while Dasher milked his audience for as long as possible.

Curiously Badger unerringly directed himself to another pub with a view at Beekse Marathon the following day on the pretext that someone had to safeguard the group's valuables. Dasher reluctantly passed over his wallet on being assured that the moths would be in safe hands and then applied himself to the tarmac. Warren D took the Laurel Wreath finishing comfortably ahead of Basher while Dasher just held off a late burst from Manic. Eventually sanity was restored and Badger was prised from his spectators' podium and ushered into a waiting taxi. Thus ended the Double Dutch.

1^st September 2006: Dasher says
I note that some recent reports
Refer to my road racing shorts
Some say they’re too bright.
I think they’re alright!
Let’s bring back some colour to sports.

26^th August 2006: Basher Shrugs off Oxygen Deficiency
Dasher's nerves were jangling after he had jarred his bad knee carrying his case up some motel stairs, but it was unthinkable to let Basher cruise to victory at Park City Trail Marathon without at least putting in an appearance. "The kid" and "innit" also looked set to take up the gauntlet. At over 7,000 feet altitude Dasher needed more than just a knee brace to keep body and soul together. As Basher tore off into the lead he cunningly threw up a dust cloud behind him as he hit the first trail. A gasping Dasher desperately tried to keep the little fellow in view, but soon lost sight of him in the haze. Meanwhile "the kid" and "innit" were running a tactical race having gathered together a willing group of male pacemakers to maintain their momentum.

By 17 miles the die was cast and a far from bashful Basher commenced the long descent towards the finish line. When Dasher crossed the line he was intercepted by a beaming Basher and had little doubt where the propulsion for the next morning's hot air balloon ride would originate from. The girls coasted in shortly thereafter.

Basher 3.43 (2nd in age group)
Dasher 4.08
The Kid 4.23 (1st in age group)
Innit 4.28

19^th August 2006: There's a New Kid on the Block
After the summer semester, battle re-commenced as a motley crew assembled at the start of the Grizzly Trail Marathon in Choteau, Montana. Basher, currently on top form and now the weight of a sparrow, was selected as a decoy in case the organisers had failed to clear all grizzlies from the course. Following in his wake was Dasher (now held together with a neoprene knee brace). As Basher disappeared over the horizon a different battle ensued as Gina "The Kid" Little called upon her tracking skills and steadily closed the gap on Dasher keeping downwind of him and to his blind side. The irony is that "the kid" won a walking stick whilst the organisers failed to acknowledge Dasher's limp. And so a new order emerged:

Basher 3.47 (3rd in age group)
Gina "the kid" Little 4.22 (1st in age group)
Dasher 4.23
Carla "innit" Hayes 4.40

16^th July 2006: Torrid Times in Torshavn
As the nights close in and the weather steadily worsens Dasher reminisces nostalgically about Torshavn (actually Dasher reminisces nostalgically about many things: red wine, women in lycra etc, but he likes to keep that secret). Torshavn is a place where a storm pulls no punches. A gale is a gale in the Faroes and there is one around the corner most days of the week, but particularly on Sundays.

Where there's a maelstrom there's a marathon and Dasher can well remember shivering on the start line on of the Torshavn Marathon on 16th July 2006 with 6 of his comrades in torrential rain and a howling gale. This was his first race since he'd injured his knee and he'd come prepared to limp, but not to swim. Actually, he had suggested forming a huddle for warmth, but a couple of the girls gave him distinctly funny looks.

As the race progressed and Dave "tri-man" Farthing took a commanding lead, the only Faroese with smiles on their faces were those manning the drinks stations as the rain had saved them the trouble of filling up the cups (or, at least, those cups that hadn't been swept away by the wind). Dasher struggled on invigorated by the almost forgotten sensation of elation as he overtook Basher at around 8 miles. Alas, by around 18 miles and the start of a long climb his lack of stamina caught up with him (as did Frances "The Stalker" Ridgeway). By 24.5 miles Dasher's legs had almost completely given up on him and both Basher and "the kid" glided past. By now Dasher's one focus was to find somewhere dry, which was sheltered from the wind so he called on all his reserves and finally made it to the line feeling more like a drowned rat than a runner. There is no doubt that Dasher will remember the weather in Torshavn for a very, very long time.

Dave "Tri-man" Farthing 3.52
Frances "The Stalker" Ridgeway 4.00
Basher 4.03
Gina "the kid" Little 4.04
Dasher 4.05
Carla "innit" Hayes 4.09
Colin "Steadfast" Poole 4.23

28^th May 2006: Hop, hop, hopping along!
Friday morning and Basher had already started the mind games by ensuring that Dasher didn’t get to the airport before it opened. He redeemed himself by getting an upgrade to Economy Class for the flight to Washington, which gave Dasher room to stretch his legs and Basher room to lie down in.

Basher had been moaning about a knee injury for the whole of the previous week whereas Dasher had manfully downplayed his back and knee injuries in the hope that both were resolved. At the last minute Basher purchased a knee brace, which almost doubled his weight and Dasher’s confidence received a boost.

It was evident at the start of the Vermont City Marathon (Burlington, USA) that conditions would be hot. However, Dasher set off at an 8 minute mile pace and was relaxed until he felt his knee go at 10 miles. By 12 miles the knee had completely seized up as Basher sidled past. Dasher was forced to walk the whole of the last 14 miles and finished in a dismal time of 5.25.15. He was met at the finish by an ecstatic Basher who, in spite of his injury and weight handicap, had crossed the line in 3.51.26. Unfortunately, both Dasher and Basher spent the next 2 days improvising Hopalong Cassidy impersonations and telling each other that they knew they shouldn’t have run when injured. It remains to be seen which one escapes the therapist’s couch first.

However, as a salve for both injuries a trip to the original Ben and Jerry ice cream factory was organised where both Dasher and Basher were able to suppress their pain for a short period whilst sampling the latest flavours from the ice cream supremos of the world.

7^th May 2006: Basher regains the upper hand
Dasher (3.53.15) could only look on as the wind blew the little fellow on to yet another victory at the Shakespeare Marathon. In an attempt to further refine his time Basher mentioned that his 3.35.21 was actually the equivalent of a 3.31 marathon as he had 2 toilet stops en route to victory. It seems that Dasher must now contend with toilet grading as well as age grading to recover the upper hand. Still, as Dasher says "You are only as good as your last back to back marathon" (or did someone else say that?).

Dasher is now sending Basher off to Prague in the hope that he will wear himself out before battle resumes in Vermont, USA at the end of May.

30^th April 2006: Did Basher get the blues?
The answer is only partially. On Sunday morning with the alarm came Basher’s list of areas that were aching. However, on inspection only his hand was so badly bruised that it was blue following the previous day’s debacles and Dasher was in no mood for excuses. The agreed tactic for the New Jersey Marathon was to stick like glue to the 3.50 pace group. This was adhered to for about 3 miles until Dasher upgraded himself to the 3.40 group. Basher hung back tactically knowing Dasher’s track record on back to back marathons, but was outsmarted as Dasher crossed the finish line in 3.46.08. Basher had left his famous last minute sprint too late. He finished in an excellent 3.48.25, but came in muttering something about his stride not being long enough. Dasher helpfully pointed out that he’d have to grow to achieve this.

The next trial of strength is Shakespeare Marathon on 7^th May.

29^th April 2006: Dasher runs marathon and Basher tries his first duathlon. Triple Crown Trail Marathon
After a long Friday flight Basher and Dasher arrived early on Saturday morning at White Clay Creek State Park, Newark, Deleware, USA for a "friendly and non-competitive" trail marathon. After 2.5 miles Dasher went ahead and after wading across the first of 4 river crossings his confidence grew in the certainty that Basher would shortly be out of his depth. Sure enough Basher started his duathlon when he reached the river and was swiftly swept off his feet. The route was not short of obstacles such as tree stumps, rocks, steep ascents and sharp descents and Basher found them all. However, Dasher claims that his one tumble equals Basher’s three as he has much further to fall than the little fellow. The real challenge comes on Sunday in New Jersey Marathon. Basher is preparing himself with ice packs or, at least, Dasher charitably surmises that this is why Basher can’t stop shaking.

17^th April 2006: All hail the conquering Heroes
A warm start on the Monday saw Gnasher Mundy baring his teeth and locking them into Steve Price’s ankles as he used our Liverpudlian friend to steer him to a 3.30 fiftieth marathon at Utrecht and the chance to lodge his £10 initial club membership fee with Basher. Meanwhile Basher had caused some consternation the previous night when he left the meal early, but it was soon discovered that he had only nipped back to the hotel to check that nobody had tampered with his laxative supply. Dasher was having a relaxing race, stopping every now and then to enjoy the scenery so it was no surprise when the tiny one drifted past at 30k with a look of elation on his face. Our thanks as ever to "Slasher" Major for organising the festivities and providing Basher with a 3.34.03 time and more ego than he knows what to do with. Dasher finished in 3.44.03 vowing to avenge himself in the USA at the end of the month.

9^th April 2006: Dirty tricks now required
Basher has now pulled more rabbits out of hats than Dasher has had hot dinners and each time his metamorphosis into a Cheshire cat has progressed a stage further. To be fair the incredible shrinking man has been motivated partly by fear and has learnt to keep far enough ahead of Dasher on half marathons to avoid being tripped. It is good to know that he still has the presence of mind to run tactically. For Belvoir Half Marathon Basher ran under the tape in 1.34.59 whilst Dasher managed a controlled 1.36.37. To misquote A. A. Milne:

The wonderful thing about Bashers
Is Bashers like winning and things
So crushing defeats over Dashers
Means everyone’s telephone rings

2^nd April 2006: Basher makes it 3 Half marathon wins in a row
Paddock Wood Half Marathon on 2^nd April 2006 and Dasher really felt that this could be his day. Lassoo in hand he kept up with Basher for almost 2 miles and then let him go calculating that he could make up any difference later with his famous "killer" finish. All was going to plan until they encountered some serious headwind between miles 9 and 11. Basher claims that this affected him although Dasher maintains that as all the hedges were 5 feet high the wind could only have hindered him and that Basher would just have used them for cover. Still, the spoils of the day went to Basher with 1.36.22 whereas Dasher only managed 1.38.54. Dasher’s only relief was that because Basher was driving the mobile (cell phone) was mercifully quiet on the return journey as Dasher licked his wounds. Battle recommences next Sunday at Belvoir Half Marathon.

19^th March 2006: Basher breaks sound barrier (and not just in the car on the return journey)
It appears that either short people must be better at short races or that Goldilocks has been slipping something extra into Basher’s porridge. Once again his mobile (cell phone) was red hot after another crushing half marathon victory over Dasher at Bath (1.36.40 vs. 1.37.48). Indeed Basher, stripped down to his bare essentials, set off like an Exocet although, in a curious twist of fate, he actually managed to hit his target. Dasher, who opted for a long sleeve top, lost sight of Basher after 3 miles and settled into his own race consoling himself with the fact that there were more women in his part of the pack and, without exception, they all looked more alluring than Basher.

A truce has been called for next weekend’s Daffodil Dawdle (UK trail marathon) so battle will resume at Paddock Wood Half Marathon on 2^nd April.

12^th March 2006: The saga goes on………..and on……………and on………….and
What Dasher wants to know is who paid for Basher’s new dynamo to be supplied and fitted. Is this some ghastly rerun of the Stepford wives and has Basher been taken over by aliens? Come to think of it when can anyone remember him not having a dessert? So shocked was Dasher on the Saturday evening before Treviso Marathon that he abandoned his pre-race no alcohol ritual and demanded a half litre of house red.

Dawn dawned on the Sunday and the race bus headed out in the rain to Vittorio Veneto. Basher’s diet has now reduced him to a pale shadow of his former self and as a consequence nobody spotted him crawling under the legs of the minders guarding the under 3:30 race pen under cover of snow, whilst Dasher was consigned to the 4 hour enclosure and spent the first 3 kilometres of the race tripping over discarded bin-liners. Has Basher suddenly learnt enough Italian to explain to those beside him exactly where these items could be relied upon to cause the greatest damage?

Dasher drew ahead at around 3 kilometres, but spent the rest of the race glancing over his shoulder. He finished in 3.23 whilst Basher steadily closed the gap from half way finishing in 3.28. He spent the rest of the weekend grinning like a Cheshire cat and glued to his mobile (cell phone).

What next? Battle resumes next weekend for the Bath Half Marathon and Basher has armed himself with 5 new pairs of trainers. Will technology win out over sheer determination? Can Basher close the gap further? Have you fallen asleep yet?

Watch this space.

5^th March 2006: Basher dashes, Dasher crashes
Unfortunately Warren D appears to have spent the ice cream money on himself thus allowing Basher the opportunity to glide in ahead of him at Little Rock, Arkansas in 3 hours 33 minutes.

Meanwhile Dasher trudged through glutinous clay at the Steyning Stinger (UK trail marathon) only managing 4 hours 43 minutes. An incensed Dasher was adamant that Basher had paid someone to liquefy the clay with a hosepipe until Jim "Manic" Mundy calmed him down.

The stage is now set for a nail-biting finale at Treviso next Sunday and side bets are being taken. Watch this space.

26^th February 2006: Giant or Giant Killer and Age Grading (the old fall back!!!!!!!!!)
Well, it was close and the result depends on which side of the fence you sit. Dasher crossed the line first, but Basher claims it on age grading.

So what next after the orange tree lined boulevardes of Seville? After force-feeding Basher with chocolate biscuits on the return flight Dasher has now lined Warren D’s pockets with one dollar bills and furnished him with a comprehensive list of all ice cream parlours in Memphis and Arkansas, USA. His mission is to ensure that Basher rediscovers his sweet tooth prior to a rematch in Treviso (Italy).

Whether Dasher’s dirty tactics of the last 5 years will continue to prevail has yet to be seen, but the alternative is too horrific for contemplation. Another nail-biting contest is less than 2 weeks away and the tension is palpable.

19^th February 2006: Battle of the Giants
Bets are already being placed for the forthcoming trial of strength in Seville between Basher Biggs and Dasher Brooks. Having demoralised Dasher by slipping ahead of him at the Brands Hatch Half Marathon and closing the gap to less than 2 minutes at the Bramley 20 the usually reticent Basher is now waxing lyrical about his chances of pulling off another shock upset at the Seville Marathon.

Basher puts down his success to the new regime of cutting out half a tin of biscuits each day and omitting bananas and ice cream from his nightly banana splits. Dasher merely blames Ben and Jerry.

Can anyone bear this suspense?

JACK "Dasher" BROOKS

Dasher & Basher enjoy some of the afore mentioned Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream in Vermont, USA