100 Marathon Club

BASHER v's DASHER

Below the world of marathons as seen by Jack (Dasher) Brooks.

Roger Biggs
Chairman
100 Marathon Club
23rd October 2008

BASHER VERSUS DASHER: THE UNEXPURGATED CHRONICLES

I have travelled to many races with Roger “Basher” Biggs. Until 2006 I could generally depend upon beating him, but suddenly he lost weight and gained speed. A series of e-mails to running friends ensued recording the increasing competitiveness between the two of us. The following items comprise the Basher/Dasher Chronicles. Read and despair!
Jack Brooks  

Last Updates:
1) 08May12 - No Mile Markers
2) 13Apr12 - Not Sleepless in Seattle
3) 16Mar12 – Flying in Blackpool


No Mile Markers and the Ongoing Collapse of Civilisation

Basher is now convinced that organisers of new UK marathons have reached unilateral agreement that mile marker signs are generally unnecessary and furthermore, that where they are provided, they should be wildly inaccurate. For Hull Marathon on 8 th April 2012 there were virtually no mile markers and then for Worcester Marathon on 15 th April 2012 the pitifully few mile markers that were provided were so inaccurate that the distance between the 26 mile marker and the finish was around half a mile. Imagine also Basher's dismay when the lack of a marshal at a critical point in Worcester Marathon meant that he and several others strayed off the course for a while. Naturally Dasher denies all responsibility for this.

Times at Hull were : Dasher 3:49:56, Basher 4:06:58, The Kid 4:25:56, and Pullen The Pint 4:50:37

Times at Worcester were : Dasher 3:48:56, Basher 4:06:58, The Kid 4:28:30, and Pullen The Pint 4:57:32

Basher will be running London Marathon this weekend, whereas Dasher will be helping to stabilise the Spanish economy when he flies out to run the Madrid Rock'n'Roll Marathon. No sacrifice is too great!

Not Sleepless in Seattle, but definitely Keyless in Yakima

Basher, Dasher and Gina “The Kid” Little flew into Seattle on 22 nd March 2012. Their friends, the Dolphins, had lent them their house in Renton and needless to say, Basher had found a trail marathon on 24th March 2012 at Green Lake, Seattle called Dizzy Daze . Unfortunately, The Kid was suffering with an injury and had to drop out after the first of the eight laps. From then on she helped out at a drink station and steadfastly ignored Dasher's exhortations for her to trip Basher up as he passed her each lap. With a pancake flat course and only tree roots and footpath kerbs to impede progress Dasher finished in 3:50:22 followed by Basher in 3:58:48. After a week in Renton the 3 drove to Yakima on the other side of the Cascade Mountains.

The Yakima River Canyon Marathon on 31 st March 2012 was to be Bob Dolphin's 500 th marathon and many of those who were both running and volunteering were old friends.

The pre-race excitement commenced at the pasta party when Basher locked his keys in the car and it culminated with evacuation of the trio's hotel when some bright spark set off the fire alarm. Nevertheless, everybody made it safely to the race start and Dasher once again set off quickly (a relative term for him) hoping to establish an early lead over Basher while it was still snowing. At around 2 miles he overtook Cowboy Jeff and then tucked in behind some ladies (who were far prettier than Jeff) in the knowledge that there were a few tough hills to negotiate in the second half, and particularly a 1.5 mile climb commencing at around the 21.5 mile point.

As he slowed on this last hill, Dasher was expecting Basher (who is good on hills) to catch up with him. He was unaware that Basher had resumed his secondary vocation as a portaloo inspector and was now some way behind him. Instead, it was Cowboy Jeff who had been tracking Basher for the previous 21 miles and who was ready to pounce should he show any sign of weakness. Fortunately Dasher got his second wind at the top of the hill and was able to pick up his pace for the last few miles. At the finish the first 100 Marathon Club UK finishers were:

Dasher - 3:56:01 (3 rd male 60-64)
Cowboy Jeff - 3:59:05 (4 th male 60-64)
Basher – 4:05:15
Rich “The Colonel” Holmes – 4:32:41
The Kid – 4:43:01 (1st lady 65-69)

The post race meal and award ceremony for Yakima was bigger and better than normal this year as so many runners (old and young) had made a special effort to come to show their respect for 82 year old Bob Dolphin, who had just completed his 500 th marathon. Bob and Lenore Dolphin are proud to be the oldest race director couple in the USA. They are also one of the nicest couples that one could ever hope to meet and it was a privilege to be at Yakima for Bob's big day.

Flying in Blackpool

Dasher first ran the Blackpool Marathon in 1999. On that occasion the town was infested with flies and this appeared to be Blackpool's means of force-feeding protein to vegetarians. Mingling with those flies that Dasher managed to spit out were layers of dead and dying flies along the full length of the seafront and it was difficult to spot any concrete at all beneath this carpet of black.

Fortunately on 11th March 2012 there was no sign of flies. This was Dasher's first outing on the roads since turning 60. Basher and he had travelled up to Blackpool by train on the Saturday and, as part of his pre-race strategy Dasher had persuaded a group of ladies to share their champagne with Basher (Basher can be a bit shaky after alcohol), whilst he refused to partake.

On race day Dasher had every intention of running a tactical race, but he forgot to start his stop-watch and was therefore forced to fall back on his more usual ploy of building up a lead in the first half and then endeavouring to hold onto it in the second half.

Thanks to several out and back sections Dasher was roughly able to monitor Basher's progress, but it was only just after 23 miles that he was able to establish that he had an insurmountable lead. He finished in 3:48:05 with Basher following him in with 3:55:36. As he had in 1999, Ken Wright, one of Dasher's former work colleagues was waiting at the finish line to whisk him and Basher off to a local hostelry for a “recovery” drink.

Needless to say, Basher obtained his revenge when he soundly thrashed Dasher twice at ten-pin bowling the following day, although even at this Basher trailed behind for the first half.

Kidney Stones, Laxatives and the Elements

Kidney stones are the scourge of many runners and the day after he collected Basher and Dasher from Houston airport Cliff Burgess discovered that his body was playing host to 5 or 6 of the blighters. Consequently the anticipated 3 way contest at Waco Marathon on 29 th January 2012 was reduced to a 2 way battle.

Basher had noted that at Gran Canaria Marathon the previous weekend ( 22 nd January 2012 ) Dasher had set off far too fast and had slowed dramatically in the second half, finishing in 4:15:48. Hoping to seize an advantage at Waco he mischievously suggested to Dasher that he should set off with the 3:56 pace group. This, of course, was like a red rag to a bull and Dasher and a German runner called Henning joined the pace group and stuck with them like limpets until around 15 miles. At this stage both Dasher and Henning threw caution to the wind and forged on ahead.

It came as a shock to Dasher when, on an out and back section of the course he noticed that Basher was not far behind. Basher is akin to a foxhound on steroids when he feels that he is closing in on Dasher in the second half of a race so Dasher gritted his teeth and increased his pace once again. This was around the time that he began to encounter hills and a number of whimsical signs put out by Nancy, the race director, along the lines of “Last hill! Sorry just kidding!” and “This is really the last hill! Sorry, just kidding again!” Dasher had to dig deep in order to finish in 3:55:54 and Basher followed him in with a time of 3:58:34. Both came first in their respective age groups and both were equally relieved to hear that there were no hills in the Galveston area.

Unfortunately Cliff was too ill to accompany Basher and Dasher on the planned trip to Galveston for the 2 lap Mardi Gras Marathon on 5 th February 2012 . They arrived in Galveston on the Saturday and awoke on race day to the sound of pounding rain and howling wind. Whilst the rain died down substantially the wind was to prove a constant impediment, especially on the twice repeated 5 mile stretch along the seafront, which was directly into an unrelenting headwind.

Dasher ambitiously set off with the 3:50 pace group. At around 17 miles he spotted Basher and surmised that he was some 10 minutes behind him. He put this down to his height advantage knowing that he can run through puddles that Basher must wade through, but Basher's theory is that someone had surreptitiously slipped him some laxatives the previous evening. He was fast becoming best friends with all the portaloos along the course. Dasher eventually crossed the line in 3:59:50 (3 rd in his age group) and Basher crossed the line in 4:19:06 (2 nd in his age group).

Dasher savours his victories, however they are achieved, but Basher is resilient so he cannot afford to rest on his laurels for long.

Hot to trot
Since Dasher retired last year he has taken note of Basher's advice regarding regular visits to the gym. Indeed, since he discovered that his local gym offered both sauna and Jacuzzi facilities he has never looked back. Dasher finds it enormously satisfying to relax in the heat of the sauna and ruminate about Basher expending his energy lifting weights in his Stevenage gym. Dasher resolutely maintains that there is a danger in doing too much exercise.

After the AGM Handicap Race on 8 th January 2012 Dasher is increasingly hopeful that his new relaxed training regime could give him the edge over Basher for the coming year as he completed the race in 3:59:56 compared to Basher's time of 4:02:25.

The Heat is on! Now could someone please throw some more water on those bricks.

Pheidippedes: The True Stort?
It is a little known fact that there were actually 2 runners sent off on the 24 mile journey from Marathon to Athens in 490 BC to deliver word of victory to those in the ruling chamber in Athens. The second runner was named Opportunistes and had his story come to light earlier the marathon distance could have been established well before 2008.

Now Opportunistes was one of those runners who is habitually harping on about injuries and prior to the battle of Marathon he had ensured that all of his fellow runners were aware that he was having problems with his left calf. Nevertheless, when volunteers were called for to deliver the news to Athens that the Persians had been decisively trounced Opportunistes was the first to put his name forward. In the end it was decided that 2 messengers would be despatched and Pheidippedes and Opportunistes set off together. It was probably sometime during the first few miles that Opportunistes suggested that they should add some spice to the journey by making it into a race and having a side-bet on the result. Having heard the rumours that Opportunistes had been suffering with calf problems an over-confident Pheidippedes wagered his only villa against Opportunistes' villa. Once they had shaken hands on this proposal Opportunistes suddenly picked up his pace. Pheidippedes continued on at a steady pace confident that his opponent's injuries would soon catch up with him.

It was with some surprise that Pheidippedes arrived at the ruling chamber to discover that Opportunistes had already been there over an hour earlier, had delivered his message about the battle and left a message for Pheidippedes to say he was jogging on to Xerxes' café where he would be drawing up the paperwork for a major property transfer and would like to see him there as soon as possible. It is at times like these that one's thought processes tend to crystallise and it now became evident to Pheidippedes that his opponent had never really sustained a calf injury, that he had been comprehensively duped and that he was about to lose his property. It has been widely reported that Pheidippedes entered the ruling chamber, uttered the words “We have won” and then died from exhaustion. However, his final words were actually “He has won” after which he suffered from a major heart attack and died on the spot.

Funnily enough the distance from the ruling chamber to Xerxes' café was exactly 2 miles and 385 yards. Unfortunately, historians have only been able to ratify the true facts in recent months. Otherwise the full distance run by Opportunistes of 26 miles and 385 yards might well have been adopted from 490 BC as being the standard marathon distance.

Throw in the towel and get one back!

Calf muscle injuries are pesky little critters and after a quick look at the teeming rain at the start of the Santa Clarita Marathon on 6th November 2011 Dasher threw in the towel and opted to watch Basher strut his stuff as he crossed the finish line in 4:02:11 securing the 3rd vet 60 award.

Over the next 5 days Dasher managed to build up to a 5 mile run without pain, so not wishing let Basher get away with an unchallenged clean sweep of California, he decided to walk and run the Santa Barbara Marathon on 12th November . Needless to say, Basher set off like a bullet, whilst Dasher was grateful for the encouragement of the 4:30 pace group for the first 19 miles. He struggled over the last few miles finishing in 4:35:17 to discover Basher having a quiet snooze. In fact, Basher had again secured the 3rd vet 60 award with a time of 3:55:54. However, he hadn't spotted the filling station used in "The Postman Only Knocks Twice" and Dasher was consoled that the knowledge he'd picked up along the route almost made up for his crushing defeat.

Dasher's legs felt as though they'd been through the grinder as he lined up on the start line for Malibu Marathon on 13th November (the following day). He cheered up no end as he passed Basher loitering outside a portaloo at around 5 miles, but his joy was short-lived as Basher once again bounded past him and disappeared over the horizon. Basher took the 2nd vet 60 award with a time of 4:20:16. Dasher trailed in behind in 4:51:53, but at least he hadn't damaged his calf muscle. For his efforts he received a Malibu Marathon beach towel, which doesn't fit him as snugly as the usual t-shirt.

The last shall be first  
Dasher joined the crowd at the start of the Dingle Marathon on 3rd September 2011 secure in the knowledge that he'd finished comfortably ahead of Basher in the Gin Pit Trail Marathon in Greater Manchester the Monday before. He'd lost sight of Basher earlier at Dingle and as the gun went off he had no idea whether he was in front of him or behind him. No doubt Basher had spotted someone to whom he could outline his plan for his forthcoming conquest of the last remaining bits of Ireland. The first half of the marathon was undulating, but Dasher was enjoying the stunning scenery around the Dingle Peninsula and had found some very pleasant ladies to chat to. Consequently at half way he felt comfortable and it was only just after the 20 mile marker that he started to feel tired. This coincided with him spotting both Basher and The Kid on an out and back part of the course, both of whom looked to be running more strongly than him. From then on he might as well have had a beacon on his back proclaiming "chase me down". As it was he dug in and pushed for the finish, feeling mightily relieved when he crossed the line in 4:01:46. Shortly afterwards both Basher and The Kid appeared. To Dasher's dismay it appeared that both had started well behind him and both had run faster than him. Results were: Ivan Field (the honorary Flying Scot) - 3:45:20, Basher - 4:00:27, Gina "The Kid" Little - 4:01:03 and Dasher - 4:01:46 

On the subject of Dingles, Dasher is now looking forward to the mingle on the shingle with a single Dingle event in Jersey when Paul Richards (aka Big Dingle) will be running his 100th marathon. Well done that man!

Slash City and Other Misadventures
Slash City
Michael Grehan kindly collected Basher, Dasher and Selina Da Silva from the airport ready for the Limerick Marathon on 1st May 2011. Knowing Limerick's reputation as "Stab City" Dasher was taking no chances and had recruited Big Frank from his local running club to run round most of the course with him as a bodyguard. Being from Limerick Frank also acted as an unofficial guide encouraging Dasher by informing him which territory was governed by which gang as they approached the riskiest areas. Fortunately Dasher managed to put both rib pains and Basher behind him and completed the race unscathed. Michael, Dasher, Basher and Selina finished in 3:25:10, 3:44:00, 3:58:31 and 4:21:38 respectively. As a bonus Frank chopped half an hour off his pb without anyone gang members chopping anything off him. 

Basher's last race had been quick
So Dasher knew he'd missed a trick
And so he felt
He'd go full pelt
And put things right at Limerick 

Misadventures in Belfast
During a lengthy drive to Belfast for the Belfast Marathon on 2nd May 2011, the 4 heard that the person collecting their race numbers had been told that the numbers had already been collected. Eventually it transpired that they had been delivered to their hotel, but on arrival the hotel disclosed that they had given Basher and Dasher's reserved room to someone else. Fortunately the hotel had another room available and as the restaurant said there would only be a 10 minute wait for a table the four sat down and waited. Half an hour later they were advised that there was a backlog of over an hour for meals and were advised to eat elsewhere, so they decamped to Weatherspoons. Alas, Weatherspoons took forever and got the orders wrong and their meals eventually arrived together with a refund and an apology from the manager. So much for an early night!  

The next morning both Basher and Dasher were trading stories about how stiff they felt, how tired they were and how unfit they were to race, but Michael and Selina coaxed them to the race start, where they mingled with the Dingles, the Majors, the Scousers and others before embarking on a very painful marathon. Unlike most races this was not a trial about who could run fastest, but about who would slow down quickest. In the end Dasher only just managed to hold off Basher's challenge limping across the line in 4:19:00 compared to Basher's 4:21:38.  

Michael had been the star of the weekend, ferrying everybody around, sorting out everything the Belfast establishment could throw at him and maintaining his sense of humour throughout. The man is truly a star.

The blind leading the blind
Whilst Basher was meandering around the Daffodil Dawdle trail marathon on 27th March 2011 Dasher volunteered to guide Blind Paul around the Cotswold Marathon. Indeed, he was so attentive to Paul's needs that when the opportunity came to take a tumble it was he who nose-dived into the tarmac and Paul who stayed upright. This was a true example of the blind leading the blind. Having wiped away the blood the 2 soldiered on finishing in 4:52:00. Unfortunately, the next day Dasher's ribs felt distinctly tenderised and when he ran the Waltham Forest half the following weekend the only thing that diverted his mind from the pain was the requirement to concentrate fully on staying alive on one of the most dangerous races he'd ever run.

Dasher was still able to blame sore ribs when Basher comprehensively flounced him at the Great Welsh Marathon in Llanelli on the 3rd April 2011, finishing in 3:55:25 to Dasher's 4:03:26

Bushwhacked in Bandit Country
Ever since "Jack Brooks Monster Slayer" achieved cult movie status, Dasher has been on a high. It is good to see his namesake getting on so well in life and monster slaying is an honourable profession. However, modesty has prevented Dasher from emulating his film star doppelganger's dress code for races in the sure knowledge that the sight of his scantily clad torso and bulging muscles could put the ladies off their stride.

Consequently, following torrential rain prior to the start of the Limassol Marathon, Cyprus on 20th February 2011 Dasher's only affectation was a cap to keep the rain off his glasses. At the first turnaround point Dasher noticed that Basher was not far behind him and so he stepped up his pace as he battled against a strong headwind. Unfortunately, at the 30 kilometre mark it appeared that, if anything, Basher had closed the gap. Suddenly Dasher's legs turned to jelly as Basher, leering horribly, fixed him in his sights and then made mincemeat out of him. Basher finished triumphantly in 3:57:03, whilst Dasher crossed the line in a lamentable state in 4:03:15. This was not one of Dasher's finest moments.  

A Manic Weekend: 12th and 13th February 2011
Dasher is feeling left out as Manic has joined Basher in qualifying for a free bus pass. Manic celebrated his 60th birthday in style by organising a trail marathon in Richmond Park. Basher and "The Kid" also celebrated in style as they triumphantly swept past first Dasher and then Manic at around 22 miles. However, all was later forgiven at Manic's birthday meal that evening as Dasher discovered a particularly palatable house red. At that stage oblivion seemed more attractive than the thought of the 30 mile Punchbowl trail race the following day, particularly as Dasher had just seen the weather forecast.  

And so it began.............. On awaking, Dasher observed that the heavens had opened. He also discovered that he'd forgotten both his waterproof jacket and his trail shoes. "Nil desperandum" he thought, recalling his debut as a Roman Centurion on a sweltering day at Nashville Marathon in April 2009 (it is funny how the Latin sticks with you) "I have a T-shirt, shorts and a running vest and it is possible that Basher feels even more debilitated than me". Unfortunately Basher appeared uncharacteristically spritely as the two set off together, no doubt buoyed up by the fact that he had remembered all of his running kit and wasn't shivering uncontrollably.  

By the time the duo had slithered along mile after mile of slimy mud and waded through a 400 yard long ankle deep swamp at around the 25th mile, Dasher's route description instructions had become so wet and torn within their plastic folder that they were illegible and he unabashedly implored Basher to guide him on to the finish and relative warmth. Dasher has never been so pleased to see a cup of tea as he was that day! He spent most of the following day inspecting his feet for signs of trench-foot.

He lost 'er in Gloucester
It wasn't so much a "her" as an "it" that Dasher lost at Gloucester Marathon on 23rd January 2011 as he suddenly ran out of energy at 22 miles. If it hadn't been for Big Dingle advising him that Basher was just behind as he passed and Little Dingle's encouragement for the next few miles Dasher's resolve might have totally crumbled. As it was he needn't have worried as Basher was struggling with "two left feet" syndrome several miles back.

Dasher finished in 3:53:58. He then proceeded to express his gratitude to both Dingles by leading them off on a walking tour of Quedgeley. From time to time one or other of them was heard muttering that life would have been "more comfortable and considerably warmer" on the complimentary bus, but all was quickly forgotten when Dasher eventually managed to locate the race headquarters.

Basher crossed the line in 4:24:53 vowing that he would put some hard training in so he could give Dasher a run for his money when they next compete in Limassol in February.

Snowballs at dawn and the one that never was  Basher and Dasher braved the early morning snow on Friday 17th December 2010 and arrived at Gatwick airport at 8am to ascertain what entertainment the aircraft industry might throw their way. They dutifully boarded their flight and waited and waited and waited for their flight to Pisa to take off. Whilst take-off never really appeared to be a likely option their 7 hour sojourn on the tarmac was full of momentous happenings:

Crew were out of hours and had to be replaced

As there were no replacement pilots at Gatwick one was requested to travel by taxi from Stansted to Gatwick in heavy snow

Pisa Airport closed

Pisa Airport reopened

Pisa Airport closed

Pilot arrives and passengers with I-Phones are able to tell crew that Pisa Airport has closed

Pilot receives confirmation that Pisa Airport is closed, but advises that our aircraft is 11th in line for de-icing (11 X 20 minutes for de-icing = 3 hours 40 minutes) and Pisa Airport should open in a couple of hours

Pilot asks who would like to cancel their flight, but can't contact airport security for nearly 2 hours, so disaffected passengers cannot disembark. Near riot ensues!

Passengers abandoning the flight finally disembark and their bags are eventually removed

Dasher finishes his book. Dasher starts to get bored.

After 5 hours Easyjet staff hand out free soft drinks and one small snack per person. They advise that they cannot hand out sandwiches without the sanction of Head Office in Luton, who they can't contact

After 7 hours on the tarmac the flight is abandoned and there is a 3 hour wait for passengers to retrieve their bags

Saturday started on an optimistic note as Easyjet predicted that the extra flight they'd laid on to Pisa would depart at 11am. Buoyed up by this news Basher and Dasher parked themselves in the Departure Lounge and subsequently rendezvous'd with Paul and Dave Dingle. Just after 3pm they were able to board their plane, but it took until 4.30 for Easyjet to advise that the flight was cancelled. Having retrieved their bags Basher and Dasher made it back to their car and then drove back through the snow to Hertfordshire. It was only after they got back to their respective homes that they discovered that Pisa Marathon had just cancelled their marathon. Happy days!

Basher and the Hedgehog
Manic and Dasher started to worry about Basher after he slumbered for most of the 4 hour journey to Newcastle. Warning bells rang again when he pronounced that he'd be having an early night. 

The following morning saw Basher still in the arms of lethargy (and she didn't look too happy!) and still struggling to stir himself into action. "You'll be cold" he muttered to Dasher as he donned a thick thermal vest. "I wouldn't run in shorts on a day like this" he exclaimed as he extracted some long legwear from his rucksack. "Did you see where I put my gloves?" he queried as he downed a cup of tea. 

"I think I might require another layer" Basher proclaimed to Manic as the trio made their way to the start of the Newcastle Town Moor Marathon on 21st November 2010. By the time they'd made it to the race venue it had started to drizzle. "Maybe it would be a good idea to wear a waterproof jacket as well", said Basher. "That should keep the rain at bay and fend off the worst effects of this biting wind". 

Needless to say Basher was so encumbered by clothing by the time the race started that Dasher was able to seize an early lead and to slightly increase this on each of the 5 laps. In fact he was even closing in on Manic in the last mile. Manic finished in 3:56:18, Dasher in 3:56:49 and the roly-poly man in 4:19:35. 

"I'm cold" stated Basher after the race "we'd better find the car and get the heating on forthwith".  

To his credit he managed to remain conscious for almost half the drive back to Stevenage, but Dasher is now speculating whether Basher (like the hedgehog in Dasher's back garden) is preparing himself for winter hibernation. After all, he's slowing down, he constantly needs to keep warm and he's spending most of his time asleep.

Too hot to handle. Fashion guru Dave Bell shows Basher and Dasher what style is all about 
Basher and Dasher arrived in Durham, North Carolina on Guy Fawkes night after Rich "the Colonel" Holmes collected them from the airport. Rich and Jeanne Holmes had kindly volunteered to put them up for 5 days as they would all be running the City of Oaks Marathon in Raleigh on 7th November 2010. 

Both Basher and the Colonel had been invited to speak at the 4th quarter reunion of the 50 States Marathon Club on the Saturday. Basher spoke first and so far as Dasher could discern the gist of his speech was that no matter how crazy a person is, there is always someone crazier. This message seemed to go down well with the Illinois chapter, salivating as they were at their success in being the first State to outnumber the Texans at a reunion since the club was founded. The Colonel then spoke about the vast array of interesting characters he has encountered over his years of running and how privileged we all are to participate in such a fantastic sport, which enables us to meet so many great people. 

Undoubtedly the highlight of the evening was Dave "the human clothes horse" Bell, who delighted his audience by modelling the whole range of club clothing, peeling off layer after layer until he got down to the original t-shirt design. So great are the insulating properties of the club kit that it is rumoured that Dave never has to put the heating on in his house. Those requiring hints on reducing the effects of global warming have only to contact Dave, assuming that he can resist the allure of the Paris catwalks.
(Dave is board member of the 50 States Marathon Club) 

It was chilly for the first half hour before the marathon started, but once he got going Dasher warmed up quickly and he even found time to pass on some tips to the leader of the 4 hour pace group about the pros and cons of running dressed as a Roman centurion. With Basher nowhere in sight he pressed on keeping an eye out for Kathleen Holmes who had intended to jog out to the 6 mile point to support her family and their house guests. Alas, there was no sign of Kathleen so Dasher made a mental note to forward her a compass and a ball of string when the opportunity presents itself.
(Kathleen is the Colonel's eldest daughter) 

By 13 miles Dasher's legs were working substantially better than his digestive system and he elected to sidle into a portaloo, hoping that Basher would not seize this opportunity to overtake him. However, he needn't have worried as, some distance behind, Basher had commenced his own research project into the quality of North Carolina's portaloo facilities. In fact, the only ones who remained unaffected were the Colonel and Jeanne who were both having barnstorming races in their respective events.
(Jeanne was running the half marathon) 

From miles 13 to 19 Dasher began to relax more and enjoy the beauty of Umstead Park knowing that he was about to enter the danger zone. On hilly courses Basher has a habit of creeping up behind him and overtaking him in the last few miles. However, on this occasion Basher had obviously had one too many scoops of ice cream the night before and wasn't able to claw back the lead. Consequently Dasher finished in 3 hours 57 minutes, Basher followed him in 4 hours 10 minutes and the Colonel crossed the line in 4 hours 35 minutes. Meanwhile Jeanne had smashed her half marathon target of 2 hours by a considerable margin. 

The general post race consensus was that the course had been great, but the sports drink supplied was not to everyone's taste.

Carpe Diem. A Day in Carpi
Six weeks of injury induced indolence had done little to improve Dasher's waist-line, but it was the last straw when one of his running club suggested that he'd be able to roll round his next marathon. So, fresh from the physio's couch and feeling like a pin-cushion following 3 weeks of acupuncture, Dasher embarked on a 4 week build-up to the Maratona d'Italia, which starts in Maranello and finishes in Carpi.  (10th October 2010)

With hindsight Dasher could perhaps have chosen a more auspicious finishing location as Carpi is famous for being the birthplace of Dorando Pietri. Dorando was leading the 1908 Olympic marathon when, within sight of the finish line he started staggering, collapsed 5 times and was then helped across the line by British officials, for which he was disqualified. Was something similar awaiting Dasher or could he take advantage of Basher's increasing tiredness following his punishing schedule of running marathons or ultras for over 100 successive weeks. Dasher's optimism was further boosted when the night before the marathon he discovered that his pre-race energy drink of half a litre of the local red wine would only cost him 3.5 euros. He had discovered the promised land at last. 

Race day arrived and Basher's preparations were not going to plan. His Garmin ceased functioning on the way to the bus and he had to run back to the hotel to search for his reserve watch. He then spent most of the journey to Maranello trying to remember how the reserve watch worked. Nevertheless, he forged ahead shortly after the race start as Dasher took a comfort break and it took Dasher around 5 kilometers to regain lost ground. Not wishing to be provocative he advised Basher how much he admired his new watch as he sidled past him.  

From then on Dasher never looked back as a stunning lady from Forest Group positioned herself about 10 feet in front of him and considerately guided him through to the 30k mark (where her race finished). Disconsolate as he was at this development Dasher dug in for the final 12k and finished in 3:51:22 and then waited (and waited) for Basher, who crossed the line in 4:04:07. Basher finished as he had started, fiddling with (and decrying the performance) of his reserve watch, which he'd switched off in error.  

Attempting to console him Dasher suggested that future mishaps could be avoided if he were to acquire a whole armful of sports watches as it is essential to have a back-up for a reserve, reserve back-up watch, which in turn should be the back-up for the reserve watch and so on. Basher politely thanked him for this observation and changed the subject.

Hare or Tortoise?
It has been another fortnight of ups and downs with Basher snatching victory by over 3 minutes at the Stevenage mid-week 10k on 26th May 2010 and Dasher coming out ahead at the marathon distance. 

Dasher was positively wilting in the heat at the finish of the White Peak Marathon on 23rd May 2010 completing the course in 4:31:00. Little did he know as he pulled into the final stretch that Basher (4:32:03) had been hot on his heels, hurdling the railway sleepers on the sharp downhill descent and powering along the side of the canal like a steam train. 

Fearful of another close call at Chester Marathon on 31st May 2010 Dasher knew that drastic measures were called for and made some urgent phone calls. Fortunately he was able to secure pre-race accommodation at Chateau Wade in Holmfirth, where he was fortified by one of Sandra Wade's legendary pizzas. As a result Dasher was able to set off with renewed vigour and restored confidence at Chester and seized victory in a time of 3:39:23. Not being one to brag about his successes he then waited dutifully by the finish line until Basher arrived (3:53:39) to ensure that Basher was fully aware of the margin of his victory. Dasher will be dining out on this one for the next few days.

“Strangely Strange, but Sadly Normal
Dasher occasionally likes to remind people about the titles of some of his favourite record albums from the 1970s. He'd also bore you with “Hapshash and the Coloured Coat Featuring the Human Host and the Heavy Metal Kids”, which was the first coloured record he discovered, were it not for the fact that right now he can bore you with tales of darring do from back-to-back marathons in Washington State, USA. 

To fully savour this saga one must step back to a chilly Tuesday night on 11^th May 2010, when Basher comprehensively humiliated Dasher, beating him by over a minute in the local inter-club road race league 10k in Welwyn Garden City. Not only was Dasher beaten to a pulp in front of his own club members, but Basher also rubbed salt into the wound by advising that he was off for a “go faster” haircut ready for their impending weekend showdown in the USA. Basher has always been one for holding out a red rag to a bull. 

2 days later, and some 26 hours after setting off from Hertfordshire, Basher and Dasher arrived at their hotel in Spokane, USA, to discover that it resembled a cross between a railway siding and a tattoo parlour. After a day and night acclimatising to the 75 degree temperature and the never ending succession of goods trains passing within a few feet of their hotel room window the two lined up on the start line for the Windermere Marathon at 7am on 15^th May 2010 in time to follow the lead cyclist as he cut the course distance short by 0.8 miles right at the start of the race. This left Dasher with 2 concerns for most of the race:

1. How far behind him was Basher and

2. At what stage were the organisers going to make up the lost distance (if at all)?

Both dilemmas were eventually resolved in the last mile, when he was turned around at the finish line to back-track 0.8 miles towards the oncoming runners, one of whom was Basher. He finished in 4 hours and 5 minutes, while Basher trailed in a satisfying distance behind in 4 hours and 20 minutes. They just had time to shower before returning to Spokane airport for their flight to Seattle.  

From Seattle they drove to Olympia ready for the Capital City Marathon on 16^th May 2010. Always one to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat Basher managed to secure an award for second in his age group, whereas Dasher came away from Spokane empty-handed, but smug. 

Dasher set off like a bat out of hell on the Sunday morning reasoning that he needed to build up a sufficient lead to safeguard against Basher's usual strong finish on consecutive days' racing. He quickly discovered that the route contained substantially more hills than the 4 that he had been forewarned about. "Allez vite" he kept muttering to himself as he ascended hill number twenty "et le Bash sera histoire!". With this in mind he managed to maintain his momentum for the full distance and crossed the line in 3 hours and 58 minutes, while Basher finished in 4 hours and 30 minutes. Revenge is sweet! 

The two then had 2 days of rest and recuperation in Seattle with their friends, Bob and Lenore Dolphin, before braving the Icelandic volcanic ash for their return flight to the UK. Perhaps it is ironic that it was Dasher's suitcase that failed to arrive at Heathrow on the return flight.

Do Grown Men Cry?
Strong wind and drizzle predominated for the North Dorset Village Marathon on 2nd May 2010. Naturally Dasher was concerned that Basher might catch a chill and was somewhat surprised when Basher ignored his recommendation that he'd need dungarees and a woolly jumper given how long he was likely to be out on the course. 

Fast Fu'd opted for a leisurely run so Dasher knew that his main concern for the day would be an increasingly over-confident Basher, who was in ebullient form following his victories at their previous 2 encounters. Dasher opted to leave nothing to chance and set off fast. Despite an undulating course and strong headwinds he maintained a steady pace, determined to build up an invincible lead. As he crossed the finish line in 3:44:55 he regretted momentarily that it was too cold to set up a deck-chair and wait.... and wait... and wait for Basher to finish. Basher completed the race in 3:54:28, by which time Dasher was already showering in the leisure centre and celebrating his return to form and so nobody knows if tears were the order of the day.

Double Trouble
Basher will start thinking he is invincible at this rate. For the second week in a row he has humbled Dasher. On the plus side Dasher managed to maintain a lead up until 23 miles at Brighton Marathon on 18th April 2010, but Basher couldn't  help playing to the crowd as he hurtled past like a whirling banshee finishing over 4 minutes ahead of Dasher in 3 hours 48 minutes. 

Dasher has now planned a well earned rest with just the Sheffield half marathon to run next weekend. He wishes all of those running the London Marathon the best of luck and hopes to bounce back both faster and fitter for the North Dorset Village Marathon on 2nd May 2010.

The Worm has Turned
It may be that Basher had 3 weetabix for his breakfast and had been putting in some extra training or that Dasher had consumed one bottle of red wine too many (he has taken to heart Ricky Gervais' recent observation that "the only reason to live longer is to eat more cheese and drink more wine"), but the pendulum had definitely swung in Basher's direction for the 105.5 lap Crawley AIM track marathon on 10th April 2010.  

Dasher managed to avoid being lapped for around 17 miles, but from then on his legs started turning to jelly, while Basher seemed to be getting progressively stronger. Furthermore Dasher discovered how difficult it is to trip someone up when they are overtaking and don't make their presence known until the last second. Maybe his poor performance in the tripping department was just a symptom of fatigue.  

The end result was that Basher finished in 3 hours 53 minutes compared to Dasher's 4 hours 15 minutes. Dasher is now busily scratching his head and wondering how he can turn the tables at Brighton Marathon on 18th April 2010. However, rest assured that things have not yet got so bad that he's emptied his wine cellar.

Japan, Spain and The Disreputable Dog
The outgoing journey from London Gatwick to the Valencia Marathon, 21^st February 2010 was fairly uneventful. While Dasher occupied himself reviewing the exploits of the Disreputable Dog, Hideo Takano explained some Japanese technicalities to Basher to prepare him for his forthcoming Tokyo trip. He particularly drilled into Basher that because the Japanese are too polite to ever say no, when they state that something will be very difficult that is actually their way of saying no. 

Needless to say, on race day, when Basher asked what the chances were of him beating Dasher he was advised fairly peremptorily that it would be very difficult. Funny that! 

Seizing the psychological advantage did not stop Dasher from cricking his neck as he regularly checked behind him to ascertain if Basher was closing down on him. However, on this occasion, enough pain killers to fell an elephant were insufficient to cure Basher's back pain and the final order of play was Dasher (3:37), Hideo (3:48), Basher (4:04) and Rich "The Colonel" Holmes (4:48).

Dasher is intrigued to hear what Basher makes of Japan and, indeed, what the Japanese make of Basher. 

My Kingdom For A Toilet
Dasher had a miserable November and December suffering with a virus for over 5 weeks and then trying to recover some fitness sliding along snow-covered pot-holed roads. Meanwhile Basher had continued to run unscathed. Of course, he has several advantages over Dasher since he can see clearly with his contact lenses whereas Dasher's glasses are forever steamed up in the winter. Being much closer to the ground also helps him to avoid potholes while Dasher constantly runs the risk of irreparable damage because half the time he can't see them until it is too late. 

After his long lay-off Dasher reasoned that in order to get a fair crack at Basher he needed to get away from winter and Britain's third world roads and head for the Marrakech Marathon on Sunday, 31^st January 2010. Thankfully Marrakech delivered both sunshine and wide, well surfaced roads, but the one thing that the marathon organisers forgot to provide was toilets. Indeed, this was the first race that Dasher had ever run where there was not a single toilet at the start, finish or anywhere around the course. Consequently, as some 4,000 runners lined up at the race start Basher was scoffing an energy bar and Dasher was force feeding himself immodium's.

Having advised Basher not to set off too fast, Dasher seized his opportunity to make an early break and inadvertently, for the next thirty kilometres, towed along a French runner called David who was desperate to finish in under 4 hours. Dasher surprised himself by finishing in 3 hours 51 minutes and for once was able to watch Basher finishing behind him in just over 4 hours. Battle has now resumed.

Eight Legs Good?
The Dasher household has been racked by constitutional negotiations over the last week since Dasher found one of his Tenants hitching a ride inside his sports bag. Hitherto, Dasher's house has been run on strict democratic principles of "one being one vote", but recently the arachnid population has been chancing its arms (or should I say legs?) by pressing an "eight legs good, two legs bad" agenda. After a two day reconciliation period an arbitrator was brought in. Dasher has conceded cross carpet rights in return for an undertaking that his race kit will not be violated. 

After all this excitement at home Dasher was free to prepare himself for Abingdon Marathon on Sunday, 18th October 2009. His plan was to set off like lightning and keep going for as long as possible. Actually, this is his usual plan, but he usually runs out of steam after the first hundred yards or so. However, for once his scheme worked and he finished in 3 hours 35 minutes, some way ahead of Basher. Basher advised at the finish that he'd been "caught short" four times during the race thus prompting Dasher to point out that he'd actually been caught short for over 60 years. Nevertheless, even Dasher had to admit that Basher was limping at the finish and could have benefited from borrowing Carol Ann's walking stick. 

Many 100 Club members were waiting for Carol Ann Plater (although some have now taken to calling her "Granny" Plater after seeing her latest race outfit) when she made her triumphant appearance on the track to complete her 100th marathon. The post race celebrations were enjoyed by all. 

Showdown at Eden
Showdown at the Eden Project Marathon: 11th October 2009

 The die was cast, the bets were laid,
The route was marked, the bookies paid,
The hills were steep, the weather foul,
The mist closed in like a dark cowl 

And at the start line there was Dasher
Waiting there to challenge Basher.
Basher shrugged and set off fast
Confident he'd not be passed 

But as the 2 mile sign came near 
He heard a whisper in his ear
"I'm going on. No time to talk.
You're looking tired, I'd have a walk." 

This was a red rag to a bull
And Basher's memory was full
Of times he'd overtaken Dasher
On a hill (Oh, well done, Basher!)

A cat and mouse game then ensued 
And Dasher was indeed pursued.
With furrowed brow and gritted teeth
He bounded over hill and heath 

And in the end he kept the lead
Confounding Basher with his speed.
The finish banner was in sight
He'd planned it well. He'd done it right. 

The acid test is if he'll run 
As fast next week at Abingdon.
He knows that if he really can
He'll celebrate with Carol Ann.

What, no potatoes?
When Dasher discovered that Basher had taken to sharing his bed with a suitcase at first he suspected that this might be a sign of insecurity. Indeed, one morning on the way back from the bathroom he checked to see if Basher had also taken to sucking his thumb. He hadn't, so Dasher now surmises that Basher simply can't bear to be more than a few feet away from his Race-Ready shorts. In fact, Dasher himself has now come to believe that those shorts may have magical properties, as it didn't take long for Basher to take the lead back from him at the Boulder Trail Marathon on 20^th September 2009. He finished in 4:21, some 13 minutes ahead of Dasher, although both took 3^rd prize in their age groups. Maddog Wallace (recovering from injury) also snuck past Dasher and beat him by 5 minutes. 

Dasher is not a fan of running at altitude and found that going from sea level to running the following day between 5,200 and 5,600 feet above sea level is a bit like running with a sack of potatoes on one's back. Indeed, Dasher treats potatoes with great suspicion ever since he was handed a sack of them at race registration in Pocatello, Idaho in 2007. 

From Boulder the 2 headed for Yosemite National Park. After a morning hike they experienced a fairly close encounter with a black bear, who it appears, was heading for the same apple tree as Basher. 

If your rental car ever breaks down pray that it doesn't do so in Lee Vining, California. It is a one payphone town and as that payphone appears never to be emptied it is impossible to put money in and make outgoing phone calls. A motel eventually charged $15 so Basher could ring the Colonel (Rich) and Jeanne Holmes at Lake Tahoe and request them to pick up race numbers for him and Dasher. Dealing with National Rentals was also an interesting experience. They chose to send a replacement car from Fresno rather than Reno. The driver tried to come through the Yosemite National Park, but was turned back and then had to find an alternative route. An initial promised delivery time of 6pm stretched out hour by hour as the duo tried to kill time in Lee Vining. 

There is only so much food that one can eat and coffee that one can drink and even those options ran out at 9pm as the last eating place in town closed its doors. It is not much fun playing “spot the lorry” when only one passes every 30 minutes or so. At last the replacement car arrived at 2.45am. Basher took the wheel and the 2 arrived at the Horizon Casino Hotel in Nevada at 4.45am. The bus to the start of the first marathon of the Lake Tahoe Triple on September 25^th 2009 was due to depart at 6.15am so the 2 just had time to book in and change into their race gear. 

With the benefit of no sleep and a starting altitude of 6,850 feet Dasher took off like a greyhound on day 1 around the first 26.2 miles of Lake Tahoe and it took Basher 20 miles to catch him. However, for the next 6 miles that imaginary sack of potatoes reappeared on his back and he flagged badly. So day 1 had Basher finishing in 4:12:36, Dasher in 4:22:31 and the Colonel in 4:47:02. 

After more than 12 hours sleep a refreshed Dasher also took the lead on day 2, but this time it only took Basher 11 miles to catch him and the Colonel was also closing the gap (Basher 4:02:31, Dasher 4:24:57 and the Colonel 4:37:48). 

Spurred on by the fact that the Colonel was at his heels Dasher again took the lead in the main marathon on Day 3 and this time held it until mile 15 (the bottom of a hill, which climbed from 6,300 feet to 6,800 feet over 2 miles). This time the Colonel faded in the heat as the temperature climbed into the eighties (Basher 4:14:28 and 2^nd over 60, Dasher 4:27:24 and the Colonel 5:00:11). 

What lessons were learnt from the Lake Tahoe Triple Marathon?
1) No matter how fast Basher, Dasher and the Colonel run, they'll never beat Ian Sharman of the 100 club, who came 2^nd overall in the triple marathon event as well as 2^nd overall in the main marathon on day 3.

Without a support crew one shouldn't even attempt days 1 and 2. Jeanne Holmes provided fantastic support with a copious supply of ice-cold Gatorade at regular intervals. All the organisers provided was a bus to the start and 2 water stations. 

2) On days 1 and 2 you are taking your life into your own hands as, for much of the time, you are running on the hard shoulder of a narrow road with a sheer drop to one side and traffic heading towards you. To make life more interesting on day 2 runners found a fully-fledged bicycle race, heading straight towards them. 

3) Get the first bus on day 3. Most runners were deposited at the start line around 15 minutes before the race began and the queue for the 10 toilets was horrendous (and in many cases runners' needs went unrequited). 

4) If you intend to run the triple don't pick a year when the temperature reaches a record high on all 3 days 

5) There are easier events on the race calendar.
Jack

Mud Sticks!
Over the years Dasher has discovered that it is possible to defeat Basher on trail marathons by using the terrain. Thus, at the start of the Dovedale Dipper on 2nd August 2009 he felt fairly safe in the knowledge that whenever he was knee deep in mud this would mean that Basher would be waist deep in it. Indeed, as conditions got progressively worse he charitably hoped that Basher had remembered to take his snorkel with him. 

With his usual dastardly cunning Basher had deployed Carol Ann and Patsy in a particularly glutinous part of the course at about the half way point and briefed them to request a piggy-back from Dasher. Being the gentleman he is Dasher chivalrously declined and promptly toppled over into the quagmire. However, he recovered gracefully and safely navigated his way past all the remaining obstacles on the course and had washed, changed and eaten  by the time that Basher put in an appearance at the finish line.

It remains to be seen whether Basher will get his revenge at the Scaphoid Fracture Marathon on 15th August 2009.
Jack

Height hurts!
Basher enjoys running at altitude as it gives him a 1 foot 6 inch advantage over Dasher. Using his height grading chart for the Deadwood Mickelson Trail Marathon on 7th June 2009 Dasher reckons that the overall time effect between running at 6,206 feet and 6,204 feet 6 inches equates to around 14 minutes. Curiously, that is just about the margin by which Basher beat him (4:11:19 to 3:57:01). This proves conclusively that being of normal height can sometimes be a disadvantage. Of course, Basher will still argue that using the old age graded tables he was a comprehensive winner, but Dasher would never consider stooping so low as to use this sort of statistical evidence to claim a victory for himself. 

Rich Holmes from North Carolina joined the duo for the race. The omens were not good as the morning started with torrential rain. Fortunately this reduced to a manageable drizzle for the race before returning with renewed vigour about 2 hours after the finish. The forecast snow never made it to Deadwood, but it was coming down steadily in the afternoon on the drive to Devil's Tower in Wyoming. The race finished in Deadwood, a gold rush town where both Wild Bill Hickock and Calamity Jane both met their maker. 

Dasher has always maintained that Basher is a bit of a cowboy so what better place to end?
Jack Brooks

Hitting the fence! Myrtle Beach Marathon: 14^th February 2009  
It wasn't so much a case of hitting the wall as one of nearly hitting the fence as Dasher's car encountered a thick patch of black ice on the approach to the airport car park. However, following this inauspicious start all flights went smoothly and he and Basher even managed to bluff their way into the Red Carpet Lounge in Dulles airport to while away their 4 hour wait for their connecting flight to Raleigh/Durham airport, North Carolina. On arrival, Jeanne Holmes was waiting at the airport to collect the duo. By a strange twist of fate, Rich “the Colonel” Holmes was also travelling from Washington on the same day, but he was driving and stuck in rush hour traffic.

 Jeanne and the Colonel have 3 golden retrievers. It didn't take them long to comprehend that in Dasher they'd found a total mug who'd make a constant fuss of them. Meanwhile Dasher was in seventh heaven having found animals to pet. The result was smiles all round. 

On the Friday the Colonel, Dasher and Basher set off for Myrtle Beach, South Carolina and race registration. Most of the drive to South Carolina was spent looking out for corny billboards advertising “South of the Border”, which turned out to be a kitsch tourist trap selling everything the discerning traveller would not wish to buy (thus making it thoroughly deserving of a visit). 

Following 2.5 days of warm weather it was slightly cooler on race day and perfect for running. The 4 hour pace group leader was from Bedford, England and as Dasher chatted to him for the first few miles Basher shamelessly took advantage and sped off into the distance. By the time Dasher had applied his mind to achieving an eight minute negative split the wraith like Basher (who, in order to maintain his weight, had resisted repeated offers of ice cream for the previous 4 days) was beyond catching and finished in 3.42.09. Dasher crossed the line in 3.44.48 followed by the Colonel in 4.19.11. Meanwhile, Zola Budd had won the half marathon, showered, taken an afternoon siesta and driven home! 

On their return to Durham the Colonel treated the duo to a women's university basketball game between North Carolina and Georgia Tech. Whilst Basher concerned himself with serious matters such as the rules and the scores, Dasher allowed himself to be side-tracked by some rather attractive cheerleaders in impossibly short skirts. His heart rate only returned to normal some half hour after the game.

Alas, all good things must come to an end and so on the Monday the pair found themselves once again ensconced in an airport lounge ready for the return trip across the pond.
Jack Brooks

It's all in the stars
(December 7^th 2008)
Dasher may be returning to gainful employment sooner than anticipated now he has discovered the gift of clairvoyancy. Travelling out for the weekend to run the California Marathon in Sacramento looked marginally less silly, when he and Dasher discovered that Luton Marathon (which they had been due to run) had been cancelled. 

The duo flew to San Francisco on the Friday and drove to Sacramento via the Golden Gate Bridge. Dasher navigated to ensure that Basher gave Alcatraz, San Quentin and Folsom prisons a wide berth. Saturday race registration gave Basher plenty of opportunity to tell bemused race entrants how many marathons he'd run on the bounce. Dasher followed in his wake handing out pre-printed explanatory leaflets and radiating mellowness and calm. 

Sunday morning arrived far too soon and at 5am it was time to join the queue for school buses to get to the race start in Folsom. It is a little known fact that American school buses were designed to give those of Basher's stature an unfair advantage over those of normal height. Basher whistled nonchalantly as Dasher endeavoured to move his legs from where they were wedged in behind a seat. Some people will do anything to gain an edge. 

Once at the start area it quickly became apparent that the warmest place was a bus and as Dasher was once again shunted into the window seat Basher impressed some girls with a few pre-race vaseline tricks (unless, of course, it was his psychedelic race shorts that they were giggling at). 

All too soon it was time to line up and face the music. Dasher set off with the 3:40 pace group all the time looking over his shoulder to check that Basher was not sneaking past on his blind side. Dasher had in fact advised Basher that he was going to start with the 4:00 pace group, so of course Basher spent much of the race battling with them, while Dasher sped off to finish in 3:38:02, leaving Basher to finish in 3:53:43. With Basher recovering fast it can only be a matter of weeks before true battle will be resumed.
Jack Brooks

 The heat is on!
(November 1^st & November 2^nd 2008)
As pre-election fever gripped the USA Basher and Dasher fled the atrocious UK weather for the weekend and sneaked into Memphis. From there they drove to Wynne, Arkansas so that Dasher could run the Mid South Marathon. Working on the basis that if one picks a small enough race with a large enough prize list Dasher successfully collected an award for fifth in his age group. 

The duo then drove 275 miles to Springfield, Missouri to register for the Bass Pro Marathon. Little did they know that they had been selected to give warm-up speeches at the pasta party before the main celebrities (Frank Shorter, Bill Rodgers, Dick Beardsley and Jeff Galloway), were called to the stage. Who could have foretold that so many stars would be turning up to witness Basher's comeback from injury at Springfield in favour of attending New York Marathon and Paula Radcliffe's comeback. 

As Basher trotted out his “Do I look like a runner?” speech, Dasher looked around expectantly in the hope that someone might know the answer. Dasher followed on by recounting his experience in Genk a few years ago when a Belgian runner advised him that if he could learn to run as fast as he could talk he might turn out to be a half decent runner. Nevertheless, it soon became obvious that Basher had made the deepest impression on the audience as a star-struck 6 year old approached him and requested his autograph. 

When Basher decided to run the following day he gave Dasher the shock of his life at the 22 mile turnaround point as it appeared that the gap between them was closing. “Now that's what a runner looks like”, mused Dasher as he frantically upped his pace. Hopefully Basher now has that mischievous Achilles injury whipped and we can expect great things from him in the coming months!

For an event with a 1,000 race limit Bass Pro produced a superb event and certainly earned the Dasher/Basher seal of approval.
Jack Brooks

Phoenixes and Ashes
(October 18^th & 19^th, 2008)
Dasher has now attempted more comebacks than he has had hot dinners. However, on their latest US foray it was Basher who was suffering with an injury. Selflessly, Dasher reasoned that the next best thing to running was responsibility, so he immediately appointed Basher to the jobs of chauffeur and head bagman. Basher suffered this indignity with such good humour that Dasher had to playfully resort to programming the wrong addresses into the Satnav in order to provoke a reaction. 

In spite of all this Basher was loyally waiting at the finish of the Indianapolis Marathon as Dasher finished in 3.46.28 ready to commence the 250 mile dash to Grand Rapids, Michigan and beat the 7pm registration deadline. Dasher had merely pulled on trousers and a shirt and then dived into the car. As the journey progressed he became increasingly aware of the thin covering of gatorade adhering to both his skin and his clothing. By the time their destination was reached he felt as though he had been coated in plaster of paris and almost required a hoist to manoeuvre him out of the car. This, of course, was Dasher's excuse for picking up someone else's number at race registration. 

At 5.45am the next morning he rather shamefacedly presented himself to the race organisers offering profuse apologies and begging them to let him have his own number. What nice people they were. They not only let Dasher run, but after he completed the race in 3.53.08 they let both him and Basher into the free beer area. 

After dropping their friends, the Dolphins, off at the local airport the next day it was time for the duo to indulge in some retail therapy before heading for Chicago airport and home. 

Maybe this time Dasher is back for good. He only hopes that Basher gets over his Achilles problem soon so that true battle can be rejoined. Jack Brooks

 Dasher toughs it out in bandit country
Dasher drove deep into hillbilly country for the Hatfield and McCoy Marathon in West Virginia on 14th June 2008, where he had been adopted as an honorary McCoy. "Thar's snakes in them thar hills" advised a fellow McCoy from a vantage point on the Kentucky side of the Tug river. Whether he meant reptiles, bounty hunters or sheriffs never became clear as there are plenty of bodies scattered around the mountains following a lengthy blood feud between the two families, which started over an argument about some pigs. "Avoid hogs if you see them" was another useful bit of advice from one of the more friendly Hatfields, making it obvious that so far as he was concerned, pigs were almost family.

It quickly became apparent to Dasher that West Virginia is hot, humid and hilly. The first hill commenced at around 3 miles and gradually got steeper until it peaked at 7.5 miles. The following sharp descent played havoc with Dasher's knees and quads. Thus debilitated he steeled himself for what was to come and followed the big blue hillbilly footprints painted onto the road. He staggered across the finish line in 4.13.32, but wasn't able to linger long enough after the race to find out whether he and his fellow McCoy's had come out on top in this year's race.

Dasher's flight back to England was made a little bit more eventful than usual when President Bush decided he'd like to visit Heathrow airport, thus delaying everybody else's flights for up to 4 hours. 

"Sister" Warren proves that running is habit forming at Fargo Marathon 2008
Warren and Dasher arrived in Fargo the Thursday before the race. Dasher promptly proceeded to damage his knee on the hotel treadmill. However, it always pays to go on holiday with a nun and once Warren had donned his habit on the Saturday morning for his 200th marathon it was time for Dasher to demand divine intervention. 50 Hail Marys and several strong pain killers saw Dasher lining up beside an inconspicuous looking "Sister" Warren speculating on how many nuns can actually boast a Chelsea tattoo. The 2 kept together for much of the first half of the marathon with Dasher hampered by his knee and Warren tripping over his habit, but Dasher just edged ahead in the second half as it became considerably hotter and finished in 4:00:34 with Warren just behind in 4:04:36

"Ley"ed out in Stonehenge: 4th May 2008
While Basher was off touring Northern Ireland, Dasher, Manic, Fast Fu, Danny Kay, Dave Lewis and a few other club members preferred to make contact with the ancestors whilst running between Avebury and Stonehenge. The Neolithic Marathon starts very close to the stone circle in Avebury and finishes right next to the Stonehenge Monument. The undulating off-road route runs through the beautiful Vale of Pewsey and then across Salisbury Plain. Dasher did speculate at one stage at the sound of gunfire quite how the ancients had got hold of guns, but it was later explained to him that part of the course is alongside an army target range. Apparently, as a quid pro quo for allowing the race to run through army owned land a few snipers are permitted to pick off the front runners. It was somewhat hurtfully pointed out to Dasher that this meant that he was in no danger.

Free access to the Stonehenge Monument was granted to all competitors on production of their finishers' medals. As Dasher viewed the artist's impressions of how the stones were manoeuvred into place it occurred to him that he should add megalith lifting to Basher's current rather tame weight lifting program.
Jack Brooks

April 13^th 2008 – A London tale
Dasher's Diary: 13th April 2008
My early night plans were stymied by my next door neighbours who erected a marquee in their back garden and prepared to party. The disco finished about 1.15am and I diplomatically decided against a Karate Kid approach.

4am and the hotline from Dave rang. "Dasher, we've got a problem with a gas leak. This is something that only you or Colin Poole could sort out and I can't get hold of Colin."

"Well Dave, I've got a busy day ahead of me, but I'll hop on my mountain bike and be with you in about an hour and a half." Poor lad, the stress of the big day was evidently getting to him and what he needed was reassurance. A few nips and tucks to the course and the problem was sorted so a leisurely cycle to Greenwich was in order. I had a devil of a job getting the bike on the baggage bus though. Apparently some character called Biggs had told them that only bags could be transported. Eventually they relented and I just had enough time to pop down to the elite men's enclosure to pass on a few tips. There was one American youngster (I think his name was Hall) who was paying particular attention. "Just hang on in there at the front I told him. Normally I'd expect to be up there with you, but I've had a bit of a busy day." That seemed to buck his spirits up so I hope he had a rewarding race.

Well, it turned out that all that cycling had taken a bit more out of me than I'd expected so I finished in 4.11.20. Still, I reflected, as I cycled back to St Albans. Dave should let me in for free next time I apply.

I wish!
Dasher

April 2008 - The Jackerwocky (or wishful thinking)
(Yakima River Canyon Marathon)
Twas brillig and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble through the day
But Dasher took a softer option
Heading for the USA 

No matter that an on-form Basher
Was sweeping all awards before him
Fate decreed that limping Dasher
Had a chance to chloroform him 

But Yakima is in a desert
And the course is hard and hot
Basher knew that he must avert
Any challenge on the spot 

As Dasher weakened, feeling jaded
Basher bounded far away
Perhaps Dasher overplayed it
Or is revenge just a race away? 

What we need is Manic Mundy,
Warren D and Gary Wade.
What we know is some day, one day
Basher's star is sure to fade 

The vorpal blade goes snicker snack
So Basher'd better heed this warning
Dasher plans a great comeback
His training regime starts this morning! 

Dasher's day is round the corner
Basher needs to watch his back
Someday soon the worm will turn
And leave him stretched out on the rack

December 2006 – Dasher thaws out
Dasher is at last thawing out after his stint of marshalling come timekeeping at the 100Club Handicap Marathon on 17th December 2006. At about the time that frostbite set in he was wondering whether he should order new fingers for Christmas as well as a new knee. Leo was suffering with foot pain and at one time they were considering placing a bulk order for replacement body parts. However, now that he has recovered some feeling Dasher thought he should advise people of this fact as he doesn't want a pile of thick woolly jumpers arriving on his doorstep. Running and knitting don't mix.

Dasher wishes all hundred club members a cool yule and would like to thank all those who were so tolerant with his somewhat haphazard results and timekeeping system.

November 2006 - Dasher is licking his wounds
Dasher is feeling somewhat tenderised this week having received multiple poundings from Basher at 3 distances. Indeed, if it hadn't been for the caring hands of his Sports Therapist, the lovely Lory, he would be feeling very sorry for himself. First came a drubbing at the Stevenage Half Marathon on 5th November where Dasher added to his knee problems by tearing a muscle and hobbled in over ten minutes behind the diminutive one. This was followed by a thrashing at the inaugural Outer Banks Marathon in North Carolina on 12th November where Basher was already flying by the time he passed the monument to the Wright Brothers (Kitty Hawk). Finally Dasher was soundly thrashed in the Stevenage 5k on 15th November when Basher beat him by over 2 minutes. 

The duo's hosts in North Carolina were Rich and Jeanne Holmes. Dasher is grateful to them for putting up with so many English eccentricities with such good humour and for introducing Basher to multiple ice cream opportunities. Unfortunately, ice cream no longer seems to have the deleterious effect on Basher that it did in the past. 

Whilst Basher is getting lighter his baggage certainly isn't. It appears that customs in Chicago were so curious about the contents of his case that they decided to keep it in the USA whilst Dasher's small holdall made its flight connection with no trouble at all. 

Dasher is now licking his wounds and will see if he can survive the Tough Challenge trail marathon in Wendover Woods on 19th November without further damaging his right leg.

October 2006 – Trouble at the Double Double
Warren D and Dasher made it to the USA intact and, in spite of Dasher's questionable navigational skills they found their first 2 race locations and cruised round both Baltimore Marathon on 14th October and Columbus Marathon on 15th October in under 4 hours. After 4 days of sightseeing in Canada and Boston they arrived at Boston Airport to collect Basher.

Dasher had slipped United Airlines a tenner to ensure that Basher would have a turbulent outward flight. However, he hadn't anticipated that the over-zealous pilot would also delay Basher's flight for almost 3 hours. Basher joined in the spirit of things by losing his wallet en route and eventually arrived frustrated and pleading poverty. Had this been enough to tip the scales in Dasher's favour for the next 2 races?

Early on the morning of 21st October at Breakers Marathon (Rhode Island), Dasher found himself running in front of 3 girls, which was nice. He subsequently realised that they were not there simply to admire his lean physique, but were using him as a wind break as the course followed a particularly exposed area of shoreline. Behind the girls lurked Basher and as soon as more sheltered terrain was reached he took off like a scorched whippet. Dasher barely managed to keep within 5 minutes of him and his only hope for the following day was that lack of sleep would catch up with Basher by the time the trio arrived in Kentucky.

At the start of the Louisville Marathon on 22nd October it was cold and Basher pleaded with Dasher to lend him one of his spare long-sleeved running shirts. Fortunately Dasher had one pre-prepared and trusted that it would take Basher a while to notice the coins, which he'd carefully sewn into the lining to add extra weight. For the first 5 miles or so Dasher held off the threat, but then the little fellow sneaked past him and ended up second in his age group for the second day running. Warren D had forged ahead early finishing first of the 3 in 3.30.

Meanwhile in the UK Fast Fu'd managed a spectacular 3.15 at Abingdon Marathon and rumours are now circulating that Burger King are contemplating offering him sponsorship.

8^th October 2006: A Major achievment!
At arrival in Munich prayers were said for Manic's rucksack as the airline consigned it to that great Departure Lounge in the sky. However, most of the contents were salvaged and it left ample opportunity for a sweepstake to be held on how many many items would make it back to Blighty on the return flight.

Sunday arrived and Fast Fu'd disappeared into the distance with the front runners as Linda Major and entourage forged their way across the start Line of Munich Marathon on 8th October 2006. Gentleman John Dawson (the metronome) set a steady pace for Linda's 100th marathon as Basher, Dasher, Slasher, Manic, The Kid, Blueboy Steve, Norry Longworth, Warren D, Uncle Tom Cobley and all enjoyed demonstrating to a receptive audience that UK runners know how to have a good time on tour. Was it Linda's Spice Girls dress, Basher's hat and pigtails or Warren D's Rastafarian wig that excited spectators most? We'll never know, but the applause rose to fever pitch as the 17 UK runners entered the Olympic Stadium and Conga'd across the finish line.

It brought a tear to Dasher's eye especially when he realised that his place in the Conga line had been in front of Basher's. All in all Dasher concluded that it had been a memorable day and Linda remains his favourite Spice Girl.

30^th September 2006: Life returns to Planet Zog
The group descended on a hotel in Ostend for "Gentleman" John Dawson's 200th marathon on 30th September 2006. The De Kust Marathon runs along the Belgian coast from De Panne to Ostende. As usual Basher set off like a firecracker and Dasher like a damp squib, but gradually the sun infused some strength into Dasher's legs and at a switch-back he caught sight of Basher and finished only 7 minutes behind him. Basher is now talking about the need to strengthen his neck muscles so he can see who is catching him up. However, Dasher has offered to purchase him a mirror instead, pointing out that there are some particularly attractive lead framed designs now on the market, which would serve Basher's requirements admirably.

24^th September 2006: A Revelation for Dasher
Dasher has often heard Basher waxing lyrical about negative splits. He has nodded his head meaningfully (a good tactic to adopt with Basher) assuming that negative splits were distant relatives of Basher's favourite dessert, the banana split. However, Dasher's world has now been turned upside down as it appears that at Berlin Marathon on 24th September 2006 he actually ran a negative split. Hitherto Dasher has always remained ignorant of his times during races and has strictly adhered to the "don't press any buttons until you've finished" rule. In fact he has chuckled quietly to himself as Basher has loaded himself down on race days with GPS's and other assorted paraphernalia. Dasher considers that it is a prerequisite for any race to load Basher down with as much as he can carry. Indeed, he had speculated about buying Basher a grandfather clock to take round with him until it dawned on him that there would be problems getting it through airports. Dasher's own paranoia stems from his habit of stopping his watch half way through events when he first started racing and he has remained a technophobe to this day. He is now panicking at the thought that someone may try to instruct him on how to take splits. For Dasher, ignorance definitely was bliss.

So, as Basher tore up the tarmac at the front of the marathon Dasher was breaking new ground at the back of the field (even though he didn't realise this at the time).

16^th & 17^th September 2006: Badger Recumbent at Double Dutch
Old war wounds are easily called to mind when there's a decent pub nearby and when the race goes through the middle of that establishment 24 times (as at Oranje Bloeman Kroeg Marathon on 16/9/06) Badger could be depended upon to rise to the challenge. Pint by pint he elicited support from the whole hostelry as he clung to his bar stool and his 15 comrades flitted through the building. On this occasion Basher flitted fastest while Dasher milked his audience for as long as possible.

Curiously Badger unerringly directed himself to another pub with a view at Beekse Marathon the following day on the pretext that someone had to safeguard the group's valuables. Dasher reluctantly passed over his wallet on being assured that the moths would be in safe hands and then applied himself to the tarmac. Warren D took the Laurel Wreath finishing comfortably ahead of Basher while Dasher just held off a late burst from Manic. Eventually sanity was restored and Badger was prised from his spectators' podium and ushered into a waiting taxi. Thus ended the Double Dutch.

1^st September 2006: Dasher says
I note that some recent reports
Refer to my road racing shorts
Some say they're too bright.
I think they're alright!
Let's bring back some colour to sports.

26^th August 2006: Basher Shrugs off Oxygen Deficiency
Dasher's nerves were jangling after he had jarred his bad knee carrying his case up some motel stairs, but it was unthinkable to let Basher cruise to victory at Park City Trail Marathon without at least putting in an appearance. "The kid" and "innit" also looked set to take up the gauntlet. At over 7,000 feet altitude Dasher needed more than just a knee brace to keep body and soul together. As Basher tore off into the lead he cunningly threw up a dust cloud behind him as he hit the first trail. A gasping Dasher desperately tried to keep the little fellow in view, but soon lost sight of him in the haze. Meanwhile "the kid" and "innit" were running a tactical race having gathered together a willing group of male pacemakers to maintain their momentum.

By 17 miles the die was cast and a far from bashful Basher commenced the long descent towards the finish line. When Dasher crossed the line he was intercepted by a beaming Basher and had little doubt where the propulsion for the next morning's hot air balloon ride would originate from. The girls coasted in shortly thereafter.

Basher 3.43 (2nd in age group)
Dasher 4.08
The Kid 4.23 (1st in age group)
Innit 4.28

19^th August 2006: There's a New Kid on the Block
After the summer semester, battle re-commenced as a motley crew assembled at the start of the Grizzly Trail Marathon in Choteau, Montana. Basher, currently on top form and now the weight of a sparrow, was selected as a decoy in case the organisers had failed to clear all grizzlies from the course. Following in his wake was Dasher (now held together with a neoprene knee brace). As Basher disappeared over the horizon a different battle ensued as Gina "The Kid" Little called upon her tracking skills and steadily closed the gap on Dasher keeping downwind of him and to his blind side. The irony is that "the kid" won a walking stick whilst the organisers failed to acknowledge Dasher's limp. And so a new order emerged:

Basher 3.47 (3rd in age group)
Gina "the kid" Little 4.22 (1st in age group)
Dasher 4.23
Carla "innit" Hayes 4.40

16^th July 2006: Torrid Times in Torshavn
As the nights close in and the weather steadily worsens Dasher reminisces nostalgically about Torshavn (actually Dasher reminisces nostalgically about many things: red wine, women in lycra etc, but he likes to keep that secret). Torshavn is a place where a storm pulls no punches. A gale is a gale in the Faroes and there is one around the corner most days of the week, but particularly on Sundays.

Where there's a maelstrom there's a marathon and Dasher can well remember shivering on the start line on of the Torshavn Marathon on 16th July 2006 with 6 of his comrades in torrential rain and a howling gale. This was his first race since he'd injured his knee and he'd come prepared to limp, but not to swim. Actually, he had suggested forming a huddle for warmth, but a couple of the girls gave him distinctly funny looks.

As the race progressed and Dave "tri-man" Farthing took a commanding lead, the only Faroese with smiles on their faces were those manning the drinks stations as the rain had saved them the trouble of filling up the cups (or, at least, those cups that hadn't been swept away by the wind). Dasher struggled on invigorated by the almost forgotten sensation of elation as he overtook Basher at around 8 miles. Alas, by around 18 miles and the start of a long climb his lack of stamina caught up with him (as did Frances "The Stalker" Ridgeway). By 24.5 miles Dasher's legs had almost completely given up on him and both Basher and "the kid" glided past. By now Dasher's one focus was to find somewhere dry, which was sheltered from the wind so he called on all his reserves and finally made it to the line feeling more like a drowned rat than a runner. There is no doubt that Dasher will remember the weather in Torshavn for a very, very long time.

Dave "Tri-man" Farthing 3.52
Frances "The Stalker" Ridgeway 4.00
Basher 4.03
Gina "the kid" Little 4.04
Dasher 4.05
Carla "innit" Hayes 4.09
Colin "Steadfast" Poole 4.23

28^th May 2006: Hop, hop, hopping along!
Friday morning and Basher had already started the mind games by ensuring that Dasher didn't get to the airport before it opened. He redeemed himself by getting an upgrade to Economy Class for the flight to Washington, which gave Dasher room to stretch his legs and Basher room to lie down in.

Basher had been moaning about a knee injury for the whole of the previous week whereas Dasher had manfully downplayed his back and knee injuries in the hope that both were resolved. At the last minute Basher purchased a knee brace, which almost doubled his weight and Dasher's confidence received a boost.

It was evident at the start of the Vermont City Marathon (Burlington, USA) that conditions would be hot. However, Dasher set off at an 8 minute mile pace and was relaxed until he felt his knee go at 10 miles. By 12 miles the knee had completely seized up as Basher sidled past. Dasher was forced to walk the whole of the last 14 miles and finished in a dismal time of 5.25.15. He was met at the finish by an ecstatic Basher who, in spite of his injury and weight handicap, had crossed the line in 3.51.26. Unfortunately, both Dasher and Basher spent the next 2 days improvising Hopalong Cassidy impersonations and telling each other that they knew they shouldn't have run when injured. It remains to be seen which one escapes the therapist's couch first.

However, as a salve for both injuries a trip to the original Ben and Jerry ice cream factory was organised where both Dasher and Basher were able to suppress their pain for a short period whilst sampling the latest flavours from the ice cream supremos of the world.

7^th May 2006: Basher regains the upper hand
Dasher (3.53.15) could only look on as the wind blew the little fellow on to yet another victory at the Shakespeare Marathon. In an attempt to further refine his time Basher mentioned that his 3.35.21 was actually the equivalent of a 3.31 marathon as he had 2 toilet stops en route to victory. It seems that Dasher must now contend with toilet grading as well as age grading to recover the upper hand. Still, as Dasher says "You are only as good as your last back to back marathon" (or did someone else say that?).

Dasher is now sending Basher off to Prague in the hope that he will wear himself out before battle resumes in Vermont, USA at the end of May.

30^th April 2006: Did Basher get the blues?
The answer is only partially. On Sunday morning with the alarm came Basher's list of areas that were aching. However, on inspection only his hand was so badly bruised that it was blue following the previous day's debacles and Dasher was in no mood for excuses. The agreed tactic for the New Jersey Marathon was to stick like glue to the 3.50 pace group. This was adhered to for about 3 miles until Dasher upgraded himself to the 3.40 group. Basher hung back tactically knowing Dasher's track record on back to back marathons, but was outsmarted as Dasher crossed the finish line in 3.46.08. Basher had left his famous last minute sprint too late. He finished in an excellent 3.48.25, but came in muttering something about his stride not being long enough. Dasher helpfully pointed out that he'd have to grow to achieve this.

The next trial of strength is Shakespeare Marathon on 7^th May.

29^th April 2006: Dasher runs marathon and Basher tries his first duathlon. Triple Crown Trail Marathon
After a long Friday flight Basher and Dasher arrived early on Saturday morning at White Clay Creek State Park, Newark, Deleware, USA for a "friendly and non-competitive" trail marathon. After 2.5 miles Dasher went ahead and after wading across the first of 4 river crossings his confidence grew in the certainty that Basher would shortly be out of his depth. Sure enough Basher started his duathlon when he reached the river and was swiftly swept off his feet. The route was not short of obstacles such as tree stumps, rocks, steep ascents and sharp descents and Basher found them all. However, Dasher claims that his one tumble equals Basher's three as he has much further to fall than the little fellow. The real challenge comes on Sunday in New Jersey Marathon. Basher is preparing himself with ice packs or, at least, Dasher charitably surmises that this is why Basher can't stop shaking.

17^th April 2006: All hail the conquering Heroes
A warm start on the Monday saw Gnasher Mundy baring his teeth and locking them into Steve Price's ankles as he used our Liverpudlian friend to steer him to a 3.30 fiftieth marathon at Utrecht and the chance to lodge his £10 initial club membership fee with Basher. Meanwhile Basher had caused some consternation the previous night when he left the meal early, but it was soon discovered that he had only nipped back to the hotel to check that nobody had tampered with his laxative supply. Dasher was having a relaxing race, stopping every now and then to enjoy the scenery so it was no surprise when the tiny one drifted past at 30k with a look of elation on his face. Our thanks as ever to "Slasher" Major for organising the festivities and providing Basher with a 3.34.03 time and more ego than he knows what to do with. Dasher finished in 3.44.03 vowing to avenge himself in the USA at the end of the month.

9^th April 2006: Dirty tricks now required
Basher has now pulled more rabbits out of hats than Dasher has had hot dinners and each time his metamorphosis into a Cheshire cat has progressed a stage further. To be fair the incredible shrinking man has been motivated partly by fear and has learnt to keep far enough ahead of Dasher on half marathons to avoid being tripped. It is good to know that he still has the presence of mind to run tactically. For Belvoir Half Marathon Basher ran under the tape in 1.34.59 whilst Dasher managed a controlled 1.36.37. To misquote A. A. Milne:

The wonderful thing about Bashers
Is Bashers like winning and things
So crushing defeats over Dashers
Means everyone's telephone rings

2^nd April 2006: Basher makes it 3 Half marathon wins in a row
Paddock Wood Half Marathon on 2^nd April 2006 and Dasher really felt that this could be his day. Lassoo in hand he kept up with Basher for almost 2 miles and then let him go calculating that he could make up any difference later with his famous "killer" finish. All was going to plan until they encountered some serious headwind between miles 9 and 11. Basher claims that this affected him although Dasher maintains that as all the hedges were 5 feet high the wind could only have hindered him and that Basher would just have used them for cover. Still, the spoils of the day went to Basher with 1.36.22 whereas Dasher only managed 1.38.54. Dasher's only relief was that because Basher was driving the mobile (cell phone) was mercifully quiet on the return journey as Dasher licked his wounds. Battle recommences next Sunday at Belvoir Half Marathon.

19^th March 2006: Basher breaks sound barrier (and not just in the car on the return journey)
It appears that either short people must be better at short races or that Goldilocks has been slipping something extra into Basher's porridge. Once again his mobile (cell phone) was red hot after another crushing half marathon victory over Dasher at Bath (1.36.40 vs. 1.37.48). Indeed Basher, stripped down to his bare essentials, set off like an Exocet although, in a curious twist of fate, he actually managed to hit his target. Dasher, who opted for a long sleeve top, lost sight of Basher after 3 miles and settled into his own race consoling himself with the fact that there were more women in his part of the pack and, without exception, they all looked more alluring than Basher.

A truce has been called for next weekend's Daffodil Dawdle (UK trail marathon) so battle will resume at Paddock Wood Half Marathon on 2^nd April.

12^th March 2006: The saga goes on………..and on……………and on………….and
What Dasher wants to know is who paid for Basher's new dynamo to be supplied and fitted. Is this some ghastly rerun of the Stepford wives and has Basher been taken over by aliens? Come to think of it when can anyone remember him not having a dessert? So shocked was Dasher on the Saturday evening before Treviso Marathon that he abandoned his pre-race no alcohol ritual and demanded a half litre of house red.

Dawn dawned on the Sunday and the race bus headed out in the rain to Vittorio Veneto. Basher's diet has now reduced him to a pale shadow of his former self and as a consequence nobody spotted him crawling under the legs of the minders guarding the under 3:30 race pen under cover of snow, whilst Dasher was consigned to the 4 hour enclosure and spent the first 3 kilometres of the race tripping over discarded bin-liners. Has Basher suddenly learnt enough Italian to explain to those beside him exactly where these items could be relied upon to cause the greatest damage?

Dasher drew ahead at around 3 kilometres, but spent the rest of the race glancing over his shoulder. He finished in 3.23 whilst Basher steadily closed the gap from half way finishing in 3.28. He spent the rest of the weekend grinning like a Cheshire cat and glued to his mobile (cell phone).

What next? Battle resumes next weekend for the Bath Half Marathon and Basher has armed himself with 5 new pairs of trainers. Will technology win out over sheer determination? Can Basher close the gap further? Have you fallen asleep yet?

Watch this space.

5^th March 2006: Basher dashes, Dasher crashes
Unfortunately Warren D appears to have spent the ice cream money on himself thus allowing Basher the opportunity to glide in ahead of him at Little Rock, Arkansas in 3 hours 33 minutes.

Meanwhile Dasher trudged through glutinous clay at the Steyning Stinger (UK trail marathon) only managing 4 hours 43 minutes. An incensed Dasher was adamant that Basher had paid someone to liquefy the clay with a hosepipe until Jim "Manic" Mundy calmed him down.

The stage is now set for a nail-biting finale at Treviso next Sunday and side bets are being taken. Watch this space.

26^th February 2006: Giant or Giant Killer and Age Grading (the old fall back!!!!!!!!!)
Well, it was close and the result depends on which side of the fence you sit. Dasher crossed the line first, but Basher claims it on age grading.

So what next after the orange tree lined boulevardes of Seville? After force-feeding Basher with chocolate biscuits on the return flight Dasher has now lined Warren D's pockets with one dollar bills and furnished him with a comprehensive list of all ice cream parlours in Memphis and Arkansas, USA. His mission is to ensure that Basher rediscovers his sweet tooth prior to a rematch in Treviso (Italy).

Whether Dasher's dirty tactics of the last 5 years will continue to prevail has yet to be seen, but the alternative is too horrific for contemplation. Another nail-biting contest is less than 2 weeks away and the tension is palpable.

19^th February 2006: Battle of the Giants
Bets are already being placed for the forthcoming trial of strength in Seville between Basher Biggs and Dasher Brooks. Having demoralised Dasher by slipping ahead of him at the Brands Hatch Half Marathon and closing the gap to less than 2 minutes at the Bramley 20 the usually reticent Basher is now waxing lyrical about his chances of pulling off another shock upset at the Seville Marathon.

Basher puts down his success to the new regime of cutting out half a tin of biscuits each day and omitting bananas and ice cream from his nightly banana splits. Dasher merely blames Ben and Jerry.

Can anyone bear this suspense?

JACK "Dasher" BROOKS

Dasher & Basher enjoy some of the afore mentioned Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream in Vermont, USA - 2006